Gunblade Storage
by emcey squared
Summary: A stash of short stories by Emcey Squared and KitKatt0430.  Main pairing will always be Seifer/Squall and the stories range from angsty to fluffy and everywhere else.
1. Seasonal

Disclaimer – I don't own **FF8**.

A/N – Much like for **Eureka**, I've got more than a few one-shot ideas running around in my head where **FF8** is concerned. So here's the start of my story collection.

Main Pairing – Seifer/Squall

_**Seasonal**_

For all that Seifer Almasy was a brilliant gunblader and sharp minded tactician that many a general would kill to have on their staff, the blonde's immune system left a lot to be desired. Even when the weather was inscrutable, one could tell the season based on his current state of health.

At the start of Summer and Fall, as well as the start of January, Seifer would get nasty colds. These colds would lay him out for at least three or four days – the longest having been two weeks because he caught a virus while he had the cold – leaving him with screwed up sinuses, the inability to sleep properly, a dry scratchy throat, and the distinct impression that he'd been wrapped in invisible cotton. Fortunately Fujin had a tendency towards 'mother-henning' which got him through the majority of his teenage years without getting poked and prodded by Dr. Kadowaki overly much.

But colds weren't the only health-related issues Seifer had to deal with. He had allergies as well. When he turned sixteen, he finally found a combination of allergy meds that made his problems relatively unnoticeable, but before that he got hay-fever in the early Spring, bronchitis in the mid Spring, and a lingering, hacking cough for the rest of the season. Then, in the Fall when his cold was over with, the horrors of Spring would revisit him.

Oddly, though, Seifer rarely had the flu, never caught pneumonia, and managed to steer clear of strep throat even when two-thirds of Garden caught it. So even though Seifer's immune system sucked, it could have been worse.

Not that, when it was thirty degrees outside and Seifer was curled up in innumerable fuzzy blankets with a slowly growing fort made of empty tissue boxes beside him, the blonde gunblader was all that comforted by such a sentiment.

There was a stack of papers in front of him that he was supposed to be grading. Since no one really knew what to do with him – he couldn't be SeeD after what happened with the Sorceress, but he couldn't really go anywhere else – Seifer had been given the position of teaching assistant and assigned to one of the more crotchety instructors... who'd quit about halfway through the Fall semester because he didn't want to work with Seifer anymore. So, since there was a distinct lack of qualified instructors and Quistis flat out refused to try again so soon, Seifer found himself teaching a class full of fifteen-year-olds.

It wasn't that bad, really. There were other things Seifer would've rather been doing, but teaching the brats was amusing at times. They were all too scared of him to act out in class, which was nice but not expected to last. Their antics in the Training Center were priceless too. Seifer had thought only Zell Dincht could manage to cause immense amounts of trouble with the T-Rexaurs, but a diminutive little blonde girl name Luella Young had managed to actually cause a T-Rexaur stampede the week before winter break began.

Seifer had been very impressed... his other students, however, had been terrified. Luella wanted to try it again once the next semester started up and Seifer was seriously considering letting her.

"Those papers aren't going to grade themselves."

Seifer looked up and pinned Squall with a bleary-eyed glare. "I know that," he responded petulantly. He hadn't heard the brunet come in, which annoyed him about as much as the unevenness of his tissue-box fort. It would be lopsided until he managed to finish off another two boxes.

"Still not feeling any better, I take it," Squall sighed. He held up a thermos and unscrewed the cap. "I brought some chicken soup."

"I'm not hungry."

"You still need to eat." Squall produced a bowl from somewhere, along with a spoon, and began pouring the contents of the thermos into a more user friendly apparatus. Once there was an adequate amount of soup in the bowl, it was unceremoniously shoved into Seifer's hands. "You need to have at least half of that."

"Fine..." Seifer grumbled and curled his fingers around the warm bowl. "Have you had dinner already?"

"Yeah. My meeting went longer than we thought it would and Xu turned it into a dinner meeting. They're still going over things, but we finally finished everything involving my position. So I ducked out early," Squall explained as he wandered off in the direction of the bedroom.

As he listened to Squall poking around in the bathroom and the bedroom, Seifer somehow managed to finish the requisite half-a-bowl. He set it aside as Squall walked back in and mumbled a 'thank you' when the brunet took the bowl into the kitchen for him.

"Come on," Squall murmured, pressing a kiss to Seifer's forehead and then letting Seifer lean against his cheek for a moment. "I think your fever's gone down."

"Mmm... feels nice," Seifer mumbled, shedding his blankets so that he could reach out for Squall's touch.

"Time to get up so we can go to bed, okay?" Squall pulled Seifer to his feet.

"That sounds paradoxical..." Seifer let Squall guide him into the bedroom and beneath the covers of their bed.

Squall had propped up their pillows and tugged Seifer over until the blonde was curled up against his chest. "Love you," Squall said, running his fingers through Seifer's hair.

"Love you..." Seifer mumbled back, falling asleep to the sound of Squall's heartbeat.

A/N – Just a cute little something I thought of the last time I had a cold.


	2. Rehabilitation

Disclaimer – _FF8 _belongs to people who are not me. If I were them, I'd have psychological issues to work out – Dissociative Identity Disorder for starters because, hey, I'm only one person and to be multiple people I'd need a few more personalities – but at least the plot would have involved slash instead of Rinoa.

Info – AU: this would be set at some point during their Senior year at Garden and there are no Sorceresses.

Teaser – Seifer had never understood why anti-GF advocates referred to the memory-loss caused by the creatures as addictive until that very moment. Wanting desperately to forget what he'd remembered, he teetered at the edge of giving in and junctioning Alexander. The memories were horrifying and junctioning offered a quick fix... an easy, painless solution so much more appealing than actually dealing with reality.

Warnings – alludes to past-rape/pedophilia

_**Rehabilitation**_

It started off as an experiment, really. Just another way to piss off the establishment and prove that he really was the best damn fighter in Garden. It wasn't like Guardian Forces actually made people stronger or faster or smarter or some such shit. They just let people use magic and that was where the advantages came from. Not that students were allowed to amp up their abilities at school.

They were all given GFs and expected to junction them but not actually use the damn things.

So Seifer stopped junctioning Alexander. It wasn't a big deal. No one really seemed aware of the change, though Squall might've noticed that Seifer had stopped using magic for kicks in their practice spars.

A few weeks into 'forgetting' to use his GF, Seifer started having weird dreams. He'd dream about an orphanage on the beach and being a small child. A young version of Squall was always in the dreams, along with a little blonde girl who could only be a tinier, less bitchy version of Instructor Trepe, a cry-baby boy who had to be Zell Dincht, and two other little kids that Seifer couldn't identify. There was also Matron, whom Seifer could only sort of remember outside of the dreams.

It only took having a few of the dreams for Seifer to realize that the dreams were memories. There was no reason he should have forgotten; Seifer was well aware that a person's first memories started forming around the age of three. So, having realized that he was recalling a forgotten childhood in his dreams, Seifer came to the disturbing realization that these fleeting memories were from when he was between the ages of eight and eleven. Everything before those ages were missing and those four years were fuzzy in his mind's eye.

Though he preferred to be lazy whenever possible (not including the effort necessary to maintain and improve his skills as a fighter, that is), Seifer threw himself into finding the cause of his memory-loss. It didn't take long for him to hit upon the research into GFs or to identify them as the cause of his problems.

It didn't take long for his memories to start coming back when he wasn't dreaming, either.

The first time it happened, Seifer was in class and Squall said something innocuous, one of those catch-all phrases the brunet was so fond of using instead of real responses, and Seifer could clearly remember a dark haired teen saying the same thing with a smile on her face before launching into some explanation for... the color of the sky? Seifer wasn't really certain what she'd been talking about or even who she was, but she'd resembled Squall superficially.

The second time it happened, Seifer recalled one of their first training sessions at Garden. Zell had been there and he'd scared a Grat, which had run into the path of a T-Rexaur. The giant lizard had tripped over the Grat, fallen flat on its face, and startled two other T-Rexaurs badly. Before anyone knew what was going on, all the T-Rexaurs were stampeding around the training center like their tails were on fire.

The third time... the third time was when the elevator got stuck between the first and second floors. Seifer was in there with just Squall – they were both running late for class that day – and the power fluctuated, lights blinking on and off a few times while the elevator came to a screeching halt. The doors were stuck and no one was answering the call button. The lights settled on being off and Squall had been cussing softly under his breath as he tried to get a hold of someone through the comm system.

Seifer had been struck by how dark and small the elevator was. The memory of being small – oh so much smaller than eight – and trapped in a tiny, dark place listening to Mommy screaming and Daddy yelling and the sound of someone striking someone else...

When the lights came back on, Seifer was jerked from the memory and forced to endure Squall snapping at him for having been no use at all... though the brunet had trailed off after just a few sharp words. _"Are you alright?"_ Squall had asked, the worry tinging his voice a surprise to Seifer.

The elevator jumping back into motion and then opening to the second floor had saved Seifer from having to answer. The truth was that he hadn't been alright and that the memories were getting worse.

His dreams were turning into nightmares. The past was no longer something Seifer was curious about, but he came to crave more knowledge about the ability GFs had to cloud the memories of their hosts. Could they pick and choose what memories the host lost or was the loss systematic, a little more gone each time a GF was used?

It seemed that each time a GF was used, the host would lose more memories and that there was little to no choice in just what memories were lost. The most adamant of the anti-GF crowd called the GFs addictive. Seifer didn't really get that, though. He didn't crave the use of Alexander even after two months of neglecting to junction the GF.

In typical Seifer fashion, he blew off what he'd learned about GFs. So not all his memories were happy. That was par for the course when it came to life.

Revealing to Trepe that he hadn't been junctioning, however... that hadn't gone down well at all.

"_What do you mean, you aren't junctioned?"_

_Seifer sighed, tilting his head to the side and regarding Trepe as though she were a particularly stupid type of plankton. "I'm sure you comprehend the meaning of the words, Instructor." Oh he was so getting in trouble for insubordination today. "It means that, since we aren't actually required to be junctioned, I am not junctioned. No GFs, no magic... just my very own kick-ass skills. I haven't been junctioned all semester, Trepe. It isn't like this is a new thing." He noticed Squall sit up straighter and stare at Seifer in shock, which was way more interesting that Trepe's angry twitching. He'd never seen Squall look anything less than stoic or angry before... except for that one time which might have been worry._

"_You haven't been junctioned all semester... surely you don't mean that during training sessions..."_

"_All semester means exactly what it sounds like." Seifer's response was sharp and he wanted her to shut up. The entire class was staring at him like he was some kind of fuckwit moron, except for Squall who seemed to be moving towards... almost impressed. But then Squall was the one who knew Seifer's fighting style the best._

_Trepe opened her mouth to say something that was likely just as parrot-like as her previous statements, but Squall, surprisingly enough, came to Seifer's rescue. "This isn't the sort of thing Almasy would lie about, Instructor," Squall said, earning a rather shell-shocked look from Trepe. "There's no reason to insist he junctions; having a GF isn't mandatory. It's his choice."_

Trepe backed off, too enamored with her not-so-secret – and very much unrequited – crush on Squall to mind that the brunet was telling her what to do in front of their entire class. Yet Seifer still found himself being summoned to Cid Kramer's office the next day and gently encouraged to start using GFs again.

Seifer refused. He cited Garden policy, brought up his rights as a citizen of Balamb, and got about as rude as he dared in front of the Headmaster. Kramer was displeased with Seifer's refusal, but seemed to accept it.

What Seifer didn't mention was that he was kind of toying with the idea of junctioning again anyway. Seifer's nightmares were growing worse. Mommy and Daddy were always fighting and he was always stuck in the closet.

Money was tight and Mommy was working as hard as she could, but Daddy was drinking it all away. He was too proud to go ask for his job back, turning into a drunk rather than admit he was wrong. He'd hit Mommy and the only place to get away from it all was the closet. But sometimes the closet would lock and Seifer got stuck...

And then there were the gunshots. Always two. Mommy's screaming would stop and Daddy's yelling would end... and Seifer couldn't get the closet to open.

So Seifer would start to shout and wake up, barely able to strangle the sound before his roommate heard.

A week after his meeting with Kramer, Seifer's roommate was exchanged for Squall Leonhart. While Squall didn't seem to have a fucking clue what Kramer was up to, Seifer had a pretty good idea what was going on. He knew now just how far back his history with Squall went, how long they'd been rivals, and that brief time, when they were thirteen and twelve, they'd been on the verge of being something more.

Occasionally Seifer woke from dreams of being only a year-and-a-half into Garden with his lips pressed innocently Squall's, not completely understanding the warmth that spread through his body but wanting more. Needing to taste more and feel more... but oh so afraid of what might happen if he got what he wanted.

Though Seifer didn't think Kramer knew about the 'kissing lessons' the two had taken part in back then, he did think that Kramer knew Squall had the best chance of unintentionally manipulating Seifer into using GFs again. Kramer was hoping to use their rivalry to make Seifer fall back in line.

Instead, Seifer took the box with Alexander in it to the supply depo and cheerfully returned it to the SeeD in charge there. She'd been surprised and told him that if he changed his mind any time during the school year then he'd be able to have Alexander back without a problem.

So maybe his parents had died in a murder-suicide. Whatever their issues had been, they deserved to be remembered. Seifer didn't know, after all, which parent had the gun. Or maybe neither of them had; they could have been killed by a jealous lover or a thief who'd freaked out at the sight of the arguing couple. Whatever happened, Seifer could also remember that they'd both loved him.

The knowledge that he'd been loved was worth holding on to. Though turning in Alexander was still more about telling the Headmaster 'fuck you' without actually having to say the words.

Once he decided that remembering being loved was a good thing, Seifer's dreams stopped showcasing his parents fights or the night they died. He started dreaming about more mundane things, like going to the park with Mommy on weekends or the way his Daddy would read him stories at night to lull him to sleep.

But his dreams felt odd, somehow. Without meaning to, Seifer started pulling away from Fujin and Raijin. When he found them trying to weasel answers out of Squall, Seifer tried to do a better job of being their friend, but he felt off... like there was something important he wasn't recalling and that it wasn't the fault of the GFs anymore. Like this was something he was repressing all on his own.

* * *

January was cold enough without being crouched in nothing more than a t-shirt and boxers on the bathroom floor puking his guts out into the toilet. But there Seifer knelt, his stomach heaving as his mind tried desperately to reject the latest memory to return.

"_You're getting to be quite the little man..."_

Seifer's stomach turned over again and he dry heaved, body shuddering from a combination of nausea and chills.

"_You want to be adult, right Seifer? Just like Mommy and Daddy, yeah?"_

Seifer had never understood why anti-GF advocates referred to the memory-loss caused by the creatures as addictive until that very moment. Wanting desperately to forget what he'd remembered, he teetered at the edge of giving in and junctioning Alexander. The memories were horrifying and junctioning offered a quick fix... an easy, painless solution so much more appealing than actually dealing with reality.

It would be easy enough to go get the GF in the morning. The oldest memories were the first to go; he'd forget all this quickly enough and be left only with the knowledge that remembering was a bad idea. That something in his past was bad enough to make him sick and he was better off not knowing.

No father should do... _that_ to their own child.

"Almasy?"

Seifer jumped, flinching away from the voice and the hand that tried to press against his forehead.

"Seifer..." Squall's voice softened, as though he were speaking to a wounded animal. "What did you remember?"

* * *

It started because he wasn't about to let Seifer think that he was the better fighter. Learning about how Seifer hadn't been junctioning had planted the idea in his head, but being shuffled around in the dorms for no discernible reason had cinched it. If they were gonna live together and fight each other, then Squall wanted to know that they really were equals. So, with misgivings and uncertainty clouding his actions, Squall removed Shiva and placed her in a box.

The first memories that came back were of being twelve, almost thirteen, and kissing Seifer. The memories triggered dreams, which were definitely _not _of things that had ever happened between them, that left Squall aching for Seifer's touch. Things should have gotten awkward between them, but Seifer was growing detached and Squall was too busy fielding questions from Seifer's worried posse to sit around staring at the blonde's attractive attributes or wonder what it would be like to kiss Seifer now compared to all those years ago.

Squall had already researched the effects of junctioning and what happened to people who stopped using GFs, so he wasn't surprised by the return of his memories. His memories weren't all that bad; he quickly realized that the most traumatic thing he'd ever been through was the death of his mother, who'd been ill with cancer. The only thing that came close to matching his mother's death was Ellone leaving him behind at the orphanage.

But he remembered things about the others who'd been at the orphanage with him. In particular, Squall remembered things about Seifer. He remembered how Seifer had terrible nightmares at the orphanage and how only Squall had been able to calm him after the really bad ones. He remembered how, eventually, Squall had stopped sleeping in his own bed because it wasted time. Seifer was less likely to have nightmares when Squall would sleep next to him and, when he did have one, all Squall had to do was roll over to reach the thrashing blonde.

He remembered how, when Ellone left, Seifer was the only one who could convince him to come in from the rain and console him. Seifer promised never to abandon Squall and, true to his word whether he remembered it or not, Seifer had never been far from Squall's side, even at Garden.

It was with great shock that Squall came to realize that he was in love with Seifer, quite likely had been since he'd been twelve and 'learning to kiss.' Too scared to act on what he felt, Squall had shoved the feelings down where he wouldn't have to deal with them. But now...

Now it was probably too late.

* * *

It was the sound of someone running to the bathroom that roused Squall from his bed, though he'd already been awake, tossing and turning for hours. Seifer had been acting even more off than usual and Squall couldn't stop thinking about the weird, disconnected way the blonde had been staring off into space all day.

Quietly getting out of bed, Squall padded out of his room and into the bathroom to see what was going on. Seifer knelt by the toilet, retching into it. For a moment Squall froze, unable to breathe. He understood now just why he'd been placed in the same dorm as Seifer. Too stubborn to take back his GF when all the warning signs in his memories pointed towards something no one should have to cope with, Seifer simply refused to hand in the towel.

Kramer was hoping that, by having Squall there, Seifer wouldn't shatter under the weight of all the things he'd forgotten.

When they were children, Seifer had told Squall about his parents fights and how they'd died. But there was something he'd held back... something he'd been ashamed to tell Squall about. It was that something that had to be prompting his illness now.

"Almasy?" The name slipped from Squall's lips without him meaning to speak at all. But it scared him that 'Almasy' came more naturally to him than 'Seifer.' How had they managed to build such walls between each other? How had they gone from kissing lessons to this?

Guardian Forces... Squall had never hated them until that moment and he resolved to turn in Shiva at the first available opportunity.

"Seifer," he spoke softly, trying to keep from startling the blonde too badly. Kneeling beside Seifer, Squall asked, "what did you remember?"

Wild green eyes, wide with pain and fear and shame and a thousand other emotions that terrified Squall, turned to look at Squall for a long moment. Then Seifer shook his head. "I-I can't..."

Squall nodded. "You don't have to tell me. But you'll catch a cold if you stay on the floor like this." Standing up, Squall pulled Seifer up after him. He turned on the tap in the sink and directed Seifer to wash his mouth out and flushed away the mess in the toilet while the blonde complied. Once the water shut off, Squall led the unresisting older teen back to Seifer's bedroom and got the blonde to lay down. Crawling into bed beside him, Squall stole one of Seifer's pillows and curled up.

"What are you doing?" Seifer finally asked, his voice sounding sleepy and confused.

"Do you remember when we were kids and you'd have those terrible nightmares?" Squall asked, looking up into green eyes that were no longer quite so broken.

"I remember."

"I won't let you go through this alone, Seifer."

"If you knew, you wouldn't be here," Seifer responded hoarsely.

"You've never told me what it was you went through beyond the death of your parents," Squall said, "but... you did tell me about what happened then night they died. Well, some of it, anyway."

"When did you stop using the GFs?" Seifer asked, blatantly changing the subject.

"The week I moved in with you," Squall answered. "Kramer knows us too well. Its a little disturbing."

"Yeah..."

"Go to sleep, Seifer. I'm staying here tonight."

"Alright."

They fell into a pattern after that. Squall would go to sleep in Seifer's bed and calm him down after his nightmares, never pushing for the information Seifer wasn't yet ready to share. If Fujin and Raijin noticed anything, they never said.

For a while, what they had was enough.

* * *

Running his fingers idly through Seifer's hair, Squall was almost asleep again. Seifer's nightmare had been particularly bad that night, but the blonde's shaking had finally given way to relaxation as he burrowed against Squall's shoulder.

"I'm sorry I'm such a mess."

At first, Squall almost didn't realize Seifer had spoken the words aloud. The sentiment had been implied for so long... but suddenly, Squall knew what he had to say.

"You don't have to babysit me like this, you know..." Seifer muttered, starting to pull away. "I'm screwing up your sleeping habits as well as my own this way."

"Seifer," Squall interrupted sharply. "If I didn't want to be here, I wouldn't be," he said bluntly. "The thing is... you are the most important person in my life. I've been in love with you since those ridiculous kissing lessons you came up with during our second year at Garden. The GFs messed with our memories and that's made things difficult... maybe more difficult than they'd have been otherwise, but...

"You won't get rid of my that easily, Seifer."

"You... you love me?" Seifer looked and sounded so lost that Squall couldn't help but lean forward, placing the chastest of kisses on Seifer's lips.

"I love you," Squall murmured, pulling away to meet green eyes with blue.

"If you knew..." Seifer looked away. "You should love someone better than me, Squall. Someone not so fucked up."

"When we were children," Squall said softly, "you told me about the night your parents died. We were young and, at the time, I didn't understand what it meant. But... I do now." Squall felt Seifer's body grow tense as the blonde started to pull away. Squall slid his hands gently around Seifer's arm to hold him in place. "You told me that your father was in your room, drunk, and that you were scared. You said that he loved you too much. But your mom came in and she dragged him away. She told you to go somewhere safe and then she went out after your father..."

"I hid in the closet, but I forgot to make sure it wasn't set to lock," Seifer mumbled, taking over the story... finally remembering completely. "Mom... she was yelling at him and saying how... how fathers weren't supposed to do that and if he really loved me, he would have rather died than..." Seifer swallowed convulsively, his expression distant, his skin a sickly pale color. "Mom shot him... and then she shot herself."

"She loved you," Squall spoke softly, "but she wasn't strong enough to deal with what she'd done to protect you."

"How can you know this and still love me? I'm broken... I'm not good enough anymore," Seifer's voice hitched painfully, but Squall held him close.

"You aren't broken. You're the strongest person I know, Seifer. You're beautiful."

"I love you, Squall..."

A/N - I'm not entirely sure where this came from... the bunny just showed up and started gnawing at my ankles. Honestly, I think it's the same bunny that had me kill off Leon from _Starfox_, cause Topher (from _Dollhouse_) further mental anguish, and write The Storyteller one-shot about Andrew. Sometimes this bunny just needs me to psychologically torment someone. The next story won't be so depressing. There will be fluff, mark my words.


	3. Heated Gazes

Disclaimer – I don't own _Final Fantasy VIII_. Which is too bad, because then Rinoa wouldn't have been so insensitively pushy and annoying. She'd have used her brain more than once or twice, not been kidnapped every other hour of game play, and... well, I guess she wouldn't have actually been Rinoa.

Teaser – AU: Squall couldn't stop staring at Seifer and he didn't know why. He just knew it had to stop before someone – namely Seifer – noticed. Unfortunately, this was easier said than done.

_**Heated Gazes**_

Squall Loire had transferred schools a number of times in his life. In elementary, he switched schools four times. In middle school there was another transfer mid eighth grade. In High School, he'd nearly made it through all four years in the same school before his father's job as a diplomat forced Squall to switch to Balamb's Garden Academy for Senior Year.

Though Squall knew that all the moves over the years had been detrimental to his social skills (which were nearly non-existent), he had never really been pissed off about the moves. His father's job was important and moving around the world with his Dad meant that they stayed together... that he wasn't losing out on being with the only family he had left.

So when Squall walked into his new homeroom at the start of Senior year, he'd been expecting the academy to be a little confusing at first (something that would go away once he was able to mentally match the school as it really was to the map he'd memorized). He'd been expecting the curious stares: the (unwelcome) way the girls stared at him with undisguised attraction, and the (even less welcome) way the guys would stare at him (as though he were some invader in their territory).

What Squall wasn't expecting was the one friendly expression amongst the pack of salivating girls (who were thinking of how hot they'd look hanging off his arm) and glaring guys (who were thinking of how much they didn't want the girls they liked hanging off his arm). Blonde hair, green eyes, almost aristocratic facial features... and a smile... Squall found his gaze zeroing in on Seifer's warm, welcoming grin.

He didn't know it, but that was the moment in which Squall lost himself.

Squall had every class with Seifer, which was how he got to know the blonde's name. Seifer was talkative, though not overly so, and seemingly determined to get to know Squall. Talking was not something Squall enjoyed, but there was something about Seifer that compelled him to respond. Worse, Squall's eyes seemed drawn to Seifer all the time; he kept zoning out on parts of the lectures as his gaze roamed the classroom to settle on the blonde. Squall was better at learning from books anyway, but it was annoying to him just how distracted he was. No one had ever distracted him like this... it was maddening.

The whole week progressed in the same manner, days blurring together so that only the time he spent with Seifer, or staring at Seifer, seemed to stand out in his memory. He was lucky to have gotten his homework done during the week because, all Saturday and Sunday, Squall kept daydreaming about being with Seifer and saying, or doing, something to make Seifer smile.

Eventually Squall came to the realization that he couldn't stop staring at Seifer. What he didn't know was why. He just knew it had to stop before someone – namely Seifer – noticed. Unfortunately, this was easier said than done.

Week number two was marked by a sudden increase in awareness. Seifer's every touch made Squall feel hyper aware of Seifer's proximity and body heat. A light brush of Seifer's fingertips down Squall's arm, the feeling of Seifer's palm on his shoulder, the way their knees would bump when they sat together (along with Fujin and Raijin) at those cramped tables during lunch... Squall felt like he was going a little crazy from Seifer's presence. But he didn't want it to stop. If anything, he wanted more.

That weekend, Squall's father kept dropping hints that if there was anything Squall wanted to talk about, all he had to do was start talking. Squall wasn't sure what to say, so he didn't speak up.

The third week, Squall started feeling a strange sort of uncomfortableness when Seifer would talk – or flirt, rather – with some of the girls in their class. In particular, Squall didn't like it when Seifer would flirt with Rinoa. She was an inordinately vacuous and well-proportioned girl and it was quite obvious that she thought that, by the time Homecoming came around in a few weeks, Seifer would be her boyfriend. Squall wasn't sure what bothered him about Rinoa's annoyingly proprietary attitude towards Seifer, only that he really wanted the girl to back off.

Oddly enough, Seifer seemed to notice Squall's growing dislike for Rinoa and was amused by it. His amusement made Squall twitchy and, though he'd deny it, led him to pout a little when he thought no one was watching.

During the weekend, Squall's adoptive sister, Ellone, visited from college and left one of her mangas lying around the living room. This wouldn't have been a problem except one of the characters on the cover reminded Squall a little of Seifer. The other actually resembled Squall a great deal as well. So Squall flipped through the book and found his eyes riveted to a page where the two characters engaged in a blow job.

Squall had never realized that his sister was a yaoi fan.

Hastily putting down the manga before anyone noticed him looking at it, Squall disappeared into his room, face flushed, and tried not to think about what it might feel like to have Seifer do something like that to him. He wasn't very successful.

The following week, Squall could barely look at Seifer. Every time he did, his face would flush slightly and his brain would fall into the gutter. He'd have to force himself to look away and focus on something else or risk having a problem that would be highly embarrassing and very noticeable in his leather pants.

Unfortunately, Seifer noticed the lack of staring despite having never acknowledged the surplus of staring during the first three weeks.

"Have I done something wrong?"

Squall's stomach twisted at the pained tone Seifer used to ask the question. "No." Squall shook his head, but couldn't quite meet Seifer's eyes. He turned away, putting his gym clothes away in his locker; gym was their last class of the day and Squall was anxious for the day to end. There was only one more day to the week and then he could hide in his room all weekend. "You haven't done anything wrong," Squall told him quietly as he heard the rest of the guys in their class file out of the locker room. The bell rang and Squall turned to leave as well.

"Oh no, you aren't going to just leave it at that, Squall," Seifer told the brunet. He put his hands on Squall's shoulders and pressed him back against the lockers. Then one of his hands moved to Squall's jaw and he pressed just enough to force Squall to look him in the eye. "All week, Squall, you've barely looked at me. Its driving me crazy. If I haven't done anything wrong, then what's bothering you?"

"Seifer..." Squall flushed and hoped Seifer didn't press too much closer. The electric feelings burning through him just from Seifer's hands on his face and shoulder were already making him feel slightly light headed. "Nothing is bothering..."

"Bullshit."

The concern in Seifer's eyes, and irritation at being lied to, just about undid Squall. "Seifer..." he trailed off breathlessly as Seifer's thumb began tracing light patterns against his cheek. He tried, and failed, to muffle the soft groan that escaped his lips as Seifer's other hand traced it's way down Squall's back to massage his hip.

"I thought I was reading you right last week," Seifer said, his voice rougher than normal. "Every time I so much as said 'hello' to Rinoa, you would bristle and glare at her... made me wonder if you were jealous. But then this week you wouldn't even look at me..." Seifer trailed off and pressed his lips against Squall's mouth.

Squall moaned at the sharp heat that flooded his body. His arms wrapped around Seifer's shoulders, drawing him closer even as his mouth opened to allow Seifer's inquisitive tongue access. If he hadn't been so swept away by the sensations running through him, Squall might have been embarrassed (though, perhaps mortified might be a better descriptor) by the noises he was making, but the sounds seemed to spur Seifer on so Squall couldn't bring himself to feel ashamed.

When Seifer finally pulled away, Squall was too dizzy to concentrate on much beyond the need to drag air into his lungs and the way his saliva slicked lips seemed to buzz with energy.

"Ready to tell me what's been bothering you?" Seifer whispered into Squall's ear. "Or are you going to need further convincing?" He nipped the ear he'd been murmuring against and Squall moaned loudly, his hips bucking slightly.

"I've been staring at you since the first day of class," Squall heard himself admitting.

"Yeah, I noticed. I liked feeling your eyes on me. That's why I was so bothered when you stopped."

"I didn't know why I was staring. I just couldn't seem to stop..." Squall trailed off, whimpering as Seifer moved his lips to Squall's neck. Tilting his head back to give the blonde better access, he attempted to finish the explanation Seifer wanted so much. "I figured out why I was staring. I just didn't think... ah..." Squall's grip on Seifer's arms tightened as he felt the hem of his shirt shifting to allow Seifer access. "Seifer..." he moaned, completely losing track of what he'd been saying.

"You didn't think what?"

"Huh?" Squall's mind cleared a little as Seifer's hands stilled. The blonde repeated his question. "I didn't think you'd feel the same way."

"Well, I'm quite happy to have proven you wrong," Seifer practically purred. Squall shivered and moved his face forward to press needy kisses along Seifer's jawline. "I definitely feel the same way. Haven't you noticed, Squall? Since the first day of class... I haven't been able to take my eyes off of you."

A/N – Ah, locker rooms... a time honored place for a make-out session... or more if your mind is gutter-bound the way mine is. ^_^


	4. Closing Doors and Opening Windows

Disclaimer – If I owned FF8, I what I write about it wouldn't be classed non-profit fanfiction. (Emphasis on non-profit and fan.)

Author – Kitkatt0430

Teaser – After Squall's wedding falls apart before even reaching the alter, his world gets shattered a second time. But this revelation might very well be just what he needs to pull his life together.

_**Closing Doors and Opening Windows**_

Squall held the glass of scotch in his hand appraisingly, swirling the amber colored liquid within slowly. Anyone who saw him probably assumed he was already pleasantly drunk and somewhat hypnotized by the sight of the ice and alcohol whirling in his glass.

However, Squall was not drunk (though he was certainly not sober, either) and even if he had been it would not have been a pleasant drunkenness. This should have been his wedding night. He should have been dancing the night away with Rinoa, who should have been his wife by now.

Instead of walking down the aisle, Squall had walked out of the church. It hadn't been a spur of the moment decision... or, really, it had been. He'd gone into the kitchen, looking for Seifer, only to discover Rinoa wearing nothing more than her bra, her legs wrapped around the waist of a particularly well-endowed waiter.

Squall had felt shocked and betrayed, but curiously numb instead of angry or disappointed. If anything, there was something akin to relief flooding through his limbs.

It didn't take Rinoa long to see Squall and she started to pull off the other man, babbling nonsensical things in an attempt to ensure she'd still have a wedding that afternoon. But Squall halted her with a raised hand and a blank stare. "Don't stop on my account," he'd told her. "Obviously it wasn't stopping you before. I'll be gone by the time you're done, anyway."

Squall had run into Seifer on the way out – the blonde having reluctantly agreed to fill in as Best Man when Irvine came down with the flu. Seifer saw the look on Squall's face, heard the brunet's declaration that he was leaving, and followed him out without saying a word.

They'd wound up at a nearby bar where Squall proceeded to call his father, explaining what happened while Seifer listened in silently. When the call was finished, Seifer ordered a bottle of scotch, two glasses, and told the brunet that the only thing he could really do for him right now was get him thoroughly smashed. Squall had agreed and they'd started drinking.

But Squall couldn't quite bring himself to get drunk. He had enough to take the edge off and then slipped into his thoughts to try and understand why he was more upset over the wasted money than the fact that his marriage wasn't going to occur after all. It was clear that Rinoa didn't love him but intended to marry him anyway. He ought to be furious. Instead he still felt... relieved.

There were worries left behind, such as the realization that he'd need to stop by a free clinic and be tested for STDs because, even though he'd always been careful with Rinoa, careful wasn't a guarantee and he had no idea how many other partners she'd cheated on him with or how 'careful' she'd been with those men. Yet he still didn't feel angry.

Idly, Squall wondered if he could get the ring back from her. He wouldn't be able to return it for full price, but selling it would help offset some of his wasted funds. Not that he really needed to offset the wasted money. As Balamb Garden Commander, Squall made a great deal of money each year, most of which he never touched. Much of the wedding had been funded by his father, however, who was quite rich as a result of years of being Esthar's President.

Laguna didn't care about money, so Squall wasn't really worried about paying him back. He'd just spend more time with his father after this and try to get into the habit of calling him 'Dad.' If anything conveyed gratefulness best, it would be trying to improve their connection as father and son. Squall didn't feel bad about dumping the responsibility of explaining to everyone why the wedding was off on him, though.

Humiliation was creeping in around the edges – the woman he'd planned to marry had been cheating on him barely over an hour before they were supposed to say 'I do' to each other. It was hard not to feel humiliated by that. How had he not seen the warning signs that she wasn't faithful?

Squall sighed and downed the last of the scotch in his glass. He didn't bother to refill it, Seifer did it for him.

Embarrassed, but not angry... relieved instead of disappointed... Squall sighed again. He didn't love Rinoa. Maybe he had once, Squall wasn't really sure. The point was that he didn't love her anymore. Maybe walking in on her being fucked by the help had been a blessing in disguise, saving him from a loveless marriage.

"Are you gonna be okay?" Seifer asked abruptly. "I mean... obviously you're not okay now and it'll take time but... you're not gonna let what she did lock you back up in that icy shell of yours, are you?" Seifer's voice was slurring slightly and Squall surprised himself by feeling a little warmed inside by the worry in the blonde's tone. "'It's just... you haven't said a word since callin' your Dad and..."

"I'll be fine," Squall interrupted, his voice softened from fondness and the buzz of the alcohol warming his veins. "I've been thinking..."

"When aren't you thinkin'?" Seifer muttered, probably not even aware he'd spoken the words aloud.

Squall shook his head in amusement. Seifer was good at holding his liqueur, but no where near as good as Squall. "I'm upset over this, but more because I wasn't observant enough to call this off wedding before today and wound up walking in on her..." Squall trailed off and gave his head a little shake. Alcohol always made him feel like he was rambling when he spoke. "It's weird... but I'm kind of glad the wedding's off."

"What?" Seifer's voice was sharp. "Were you havin' second thoughts?"

"No... I just... I shouldn't feel this relieved that it's over when I was about to marry her, should I? It's like... all this time I've been trying so hard to make everyone else happy and fill their expectations... all because I didn't want to be alone again. I never even thought about it... but I wasn't happy with Rinoa anymore. I was just..." Squall turned to look at Seifer and the alcohol induced warmth turned to lethargy as he stared into mesmerizing green eyes. "I don't have to pretend around you, though. It's relaxing that I can just be me... that all you expect of me is to be me...

"It's why I asked you to be my Best Man even though I knew it'd piss her off."

There was a long silence and Seifer leaned forward slightly. "Remember when I told you all she cared about was how good she looked hangin' onto your arm?"

Squall nodded. It had been right after the war and Seifer had been cleared of all charges. The blonde had been blindsided by Squall's relationship with Rinoa and hadn't taken it well at first. Somehow they'd managed to pull together a friendship anyway, though it had taken quite some time for them to move past the rocky stages.

"I wasn't jealous that you got her," Seifer said. "But I said it for the same reason I refused to be your Best Man until Irvine got sick."

"Why's that?" Squall hadn't been offended by the initial refusal. He'd been confused, but it had been clear to him that Seifer wasn't trying to be mean or hurtful so Squall hadn't pushed for answers.

"It hurts... seeing you with her," Seifer explained. "Some days I can barely stand it. Bad enough when you were just dating her... but to hear you were going to marry her..."

"You took a mission right after I asked," Squall muttered. "You were gone for weeks... the mission went bad and I led the search... But you weren't jealous? You said you weren't jealous..."

"Not of you," Seifer looked away, licking his lips nervously. "I was jealous of her. I was jealous Princess Rinoa got the handsome Ice Prince and I... I hated her. I still hate her. Reformed or otherwise... the bad guy never get's the happy ending."

"I wish you'd have told me sooner," Squall mumbled, his heart suddenly thudding in his chest. Seifer had feelings for him? He'd had feelings for Squall for two years... and never said a word?

_Hyne_...

Squall knocked back his last drink and stood, albeit somewhat unsteadily. "Come on. We're taking a cab back to my Dad's and then I'm heading to Garden first thing in the morning. I want to be rid of her stuff...

"I want to be rid of her."

"Squall..."

"You're not a bad guy, Seifer," Squall interrupted, his voice insistent. "You're my best friend. You're the only person whose always been there for me. Even when we'd forgotten orphanage and I was trying to push you away, you were there for me."

"Until I fucked up and followed Ultimecia through a magical hole-in-the-wall." Seifer hunkered down slightly, more ashamed of his past than he was embarrassed over admitting his feelings.

"She's the one at fault for that." Squall fished out his cell phone from his pocket and gestured to the door. "Let's go, okay?"

Seifer looked up hesitantly. "I shouldn't have said anything."

Squall didn't reply. He just reached out to Seifer's arm and squeezed it lightly.

* * *

"My head is killing me," Seifer groaned, his face pressed against crossed arms as he sat at the table in Laguna Loire's kitchen.

Squall pushed the coffee cup towards Seifer. "The caffeine will help," he offered.

Seifer burrowed his face further into his arms. "The smell is making me nauseous."

"Just try to drink some." Squall sat down across the table from Seifer and drank from his own cup. The aspirin Squall had taken earlier was finally kicking in, so he figured that his headache was less painful than Seifer's by now.

Taking a drink, Seifer's skin paled to an unhealthy, greenish hue. But he didn't go running for the bathroom, so Squall assumed he'd be fine. "It's been a while since either of us has been hungover," Squall mused.

"Yeah..." Seifer's eyes unfocused for a moment. "I didn't say anything stupid last night, did I? I have this feeling that I said something incredibly stupid."

"No," Squall replied. "You didn't say anything stupid. I want help getting Rinoa's things packed up and out of my room. Will you help with that?"

"Yeah, sure."

Bringing the coffee cup up to his lips, Squall allowed himself a brief smile. He hadn't felt this way in a long time; he'd almost forgotten how good it was.

He felt free.

* * *

Squall wondered if this was what dates were supposed to feel like.

Even after proposing to Rinoa, going places with her felt awkward. She liked bright, loud places and, even though Squall liked darker, more intimate venues, they always did what she wanted. But tonight Squall was settled in a booth with Seifer for dinner. Nothing had ever felt so natural before.

It wasn't really a date.

The wedding that wasn't had been a few weeks ago and Seifer had just gotten back from a three-day mission in Esthar. So Squall convinced Seifer to have dinner with him instead of going through a formal debrief. Seifer had agreed, claiming to be starved.

"This place is really nice," Seifer observed, smiling oddly. "I've probably walked past here a hundred times and never knew it was a restaurant."

"I only found it a week or so ago," Squall told him.

Seifer's expression relaxed a little. "Seriously? I'd have thought..." Seifer trailed off for a moment and then continued. "Well, you made a great find."

"You don't have to dance around it," Squall told him. "This is the last sort of place I'd have taken Rinoa. She hated places like this."

"Low-key, romantic... you can hear the person you're having dinner with..." Seifer nodded, "yeah, she'd hate this place."

"I hated the places she liked to go," Squall admitted. "This place... this place is perfect."

"Yeah..." Seifer's eyes were wide in the low lighting, but they seemed to dilate further as the blonde swallowed nervously and licked his lips. "What made you decide to bring me?"

"I thought you might like it here too." Squall tilted his head the side curiously. "Would you be upset if I had ulterior motives for asking you to have dinner with me?"

A dumbfounded expression found it's way onto Seifer's face and Squall smiled. "Uh... I guess it would depend on the motive in question." Seifer was staring at Squall's smile almost dazedly.

"I've been thinking of what you told me the evening I didn't marry Rinoa."

"What I said?" Seifer looked worried. "I don't really remember much of what was said that night..."

"I figured out for myself that I didn't really love her. I wasn't happy... if I'd actually married her, I'd be miserable by now. But when I'm with you... I feel happy." Squall leaned forward, pushing his empty dinner plate out of the way. "You told me that you were jealous of Rinoa's relationship with me."

Seifer flushed. "I-uh... that is..."

Squall's hand snaked out to grasp Seifer's lightly, his thumb brushing over the blonde's wrist. "Calm down, Seifer."

"That's easy for you to say," Seifer grumbled, breathing just noticeably more heavily as he stared at their joined hands. He didn't pull away. "What are you trying to tell me?"

Picking up Seifer's hand, Squall told him, "my ulterior motive was to get you out on a date. You spent two years hiding how you feel because you didn't want to wreck things. But..."

"If only I'd said something sooner?" Seifer shook his head. "You were with Rinoa and I..."

"Don't say you were the bad guy," Squall interrupted. Bringing Seifer's hand closer, Squall flipped the hand he held over and then leaned over just enough to press a kiss to the spot he'd been rubbing with his thumb. Seifer breathed in sharply and then let out a barely audible moan. "I feel alive right now," Squall told him. "Really alive... like no one else can make me feel."

"Hyne..." Seifer breathed the word out shakily. "Best first date ever..." He smiled at Squall and asked in a borderline facetious tone, "will you walk me to my door and give me a good night kiss?"

"If you'd like."

"Definitely."

A/N – The inspiration for this piece actually came from a song. Well, part of this was inspired by a song, at any rate. Also... sneaky Squall is fun. ^_^ The title is a reference (an obvious one I'm sure) to the saying about every time a door closes, a window opens. Rinoa's door shut and Seifer's window opened... or something like that.


	5. Fractured

Disclaimer – If _FF8_ were mine, then slash would have abounded.

Author – Kitkatt0430

Beta – Emcey_Squared

Beta Notes – Kit must have been bitten by an angst bunny, 'cause this one might tear you guys up a little. Poor Seifer... we both seem to like kicking the guy when he's down. But there will be fluff in there too, so don't worry. This is also a fairly long one-shot, so make sure you've got the time for it, okay?

Teaser – Seifer stared at the shards of of broken glass that littered the carpet without really seeing them. He reached down, careless of the way the shards sliced his fingers to create thin lines of red, to rescue the photograph that lay in the center of the mess. It showed him with Squall – there was a rare smile on the brunet's face as he faced the camera, though Seifer's eyes were on Squall and he wore an expression Squall once admitted made him feel week-kneed.  
After what happened in the infirmary, they'd probably never be seen like that together again. The first time Squall forgave Seifer for the war took months. Seifer didn't think he'd last through a second time.

Warning – The scenes are not in chronological order. They will be labeled to let the reader know when they take place, but it shouldn't be too confusing.

_**Fractured**_

_One month after Ultimecia's defeat_

Seifer bolted upright in bed, his heart thudding as he threw off the covers. His breathing was erratic as he tried to get himself under control, but the images from the dream lingered in his mind's eye. It didn't matter how many times he told himself that he'd made a difference, that more people would have died at Ultimecia's command if someone who hadn't been a SeeD plant had been her Knight. The nightmares wouldn't stop. Seifer felt guilty for everything he'd done during his undercover mission and his subconscious was making him pay for it.

Not that Seifer's subconscious was the only thing tormenting him for the things he'd done.

The newspaper's favorite stories were typically centered around hyping Squall as the next coming of Hyne or something equally outlandish and flattering about the five who fought at his side against Ultimecia. But the papers also seemed to like writing stories about Seifer, who was painted as a traitor or mind-fucked weakling or the true evil behind the war... depending on who was writing the stories. Never mind the fact that Seifer had been officially revealed as Cid's undercover agent in Ultimecia's ranks and all the maneuvering he'd done to assure Squall led the way to victory had come to light. The world wanted a villain and apparently Seifer fit the bill.

Though Selphie had welcomed Seifer back with open arms, genuinely excited to hear that Seifer had been made SeeD months before the exam that had earned Zell, Squall, and herself their ranks, Quistis and Irvine were stand-offish and Zell made excuses to leave every time Seifer entered a room. Fujin and Raijin were off making their own way in the world at two separate universities, so Seifer couldn't rely on their support. They'd have been there in an instant if he'd asked, forsaking their own dreams for his... but Seifer couldn't bear to be that selfish a second time. Had the war taken place during the school year, Seifer wouldn't have even let them be there at all, regardless of how badly he'd needed them at his side.

The worst was Squall. He just... stared at Seifer with accusation in his eyes while Rinoa clung to the brunet's arm like a fucking leach. She smiled at Seifer, pretending to be all forgiving, but she knew perfectly well that Seifer had been in love with Squall for, basically, his entire life. She knew how painful it was to have Squall hate him and love another.

She reveled in her revenge; Seifer could see it in the way her eyes flashed gold when he was at his most visibly miserable.

Seifer wasn't even certain he had much of a future at Garden. Though he certainly didn't have one outside of Garden – who would want to hire the ex-Knight? – Seifer also knew that few clients would want to have him as a SeeD assigned to their contract and even fewer SeeD would be willing to work with him. He'd be stuck at Garden, an unusable asset right up until Cid finally had no choice but to cut his losses and fire Seifer.

Then... then he'd have nothing.

Shaking slightly, Seifer stumbled out of bed and made his way into the bathroom to splash water on his face. The cold jolted him enough to make his shaking stop, but it did nothing to clear his mind of the morbid thoughts running through his mind.

Unable to take the stillness and silence of his own quarters, Seifer dressed hurriedly, belted Hyperion at his waist, and bolted from the room into the equally empty hallway.

It was three forty-seven am, so Seifer wasn't surprised by the deserted hall. It was what he'd been hoping for, actually. He hated going out during the day only to be bombarded by fearful whispers and accusing eyes. At night he could hide from his many, many detractors.

Seifer made a beeline for the training center and then took the direct route to the 'secret place.' Luck was on his side and he didn't encounter any monsters on his way there, though he suspected most of them were sleeping at that hour.

Sheathing Hyperion, Seifer slumped against the balcony's railing and stared out over Garden. It really was beautiful. He'd always loved watching the place from the view offered by this balcony; Garden seemed to glow at night, filled with hope and promise. Yet... now it seemed to mock him. Hope... promise... neither were Seifer's any longer.

He'd known going in that he'd be sacrificing a lot to save Matron. He just hadn't understood how much 'a lot' really was. It was nearly everything.

Leaning over the ledge far enough that his balance was precarious, Seifer wondered what it'd be like to just fall. The wind rushing through his ears followed by a sudden and painful stop... and then nothing. It'd all be over.

It was tempting.

Too tempting.

Seifer stood and backed away from the railing, his heart thudding loudly in his ears again. He couldn't go on and he couldn't give up. It seemed like he was stuck in more ways than one.

"Seifer?"

Nearly tripping over his feet, Seifer turned to face Squall. He couldn't remember the last time he'd heard Squall use his first name and not 'Almasy,' but it sounded so nice to hear it again. "Yeah?" Seifer didn't even bother to try and look suave as he caught his balance by leaning against the wall.

"Are... are you okay?"

"No." Honesty seemed like the best policy at the moment, if only because Seifer knew any lie he told at the moment would be obvious. He wasn't in the right state of mind to pull off even a simple 'yes.'

Squall certainly seemed startled by the response. The brunet watched Seifer for a long moment, until Seifer could no longer take the silence.

"Look, I came here to probably have a nervous breakdown and I'd rather not have an audience for that. So if you'd just leave, that'd be great."

If he'd been startled before, Squall seemed positively floored now. "Seifer..." he repeated the name in almost helpless worry, seemingly floundering in uncertainty.

Seifer felt his chest twist at the sound of Squall's voice. Fuck... things were hard enough with Squall hating him and loving Rinoa. It'd be too much if that hate turned to pity. Sliding to the floor, Seifer leaned his head back and regarded the brunet with a tired look. "What?"

"Cid told me you refused to let him sue the newspapers and magazines for slandering you. Why?"

"Why does it matter? Barely anyone wants to believe what really happened and history is written by the winners. They want me to be the bad guy and no amount of lawsuits is going to magically fix that." Seifer shrugged. "There's no point."

"I think you should sue," Squall muttered, crossing his arms in irritation. "You followed your orders and did the best you could with a shitty situation. You certainly did more than I did. Stop giving up and breaking down, Seifer. This isn't like you."

The world seemed to freeze for a moment and Seifer found himself paralyzed by Squall's piercing stare. But then the moment ended and Squall turned away and stalked off. Oddly enough, Seifer felt as though a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders.

Standing up, Seifer left as well. He didn't glance back; suddenly the idea of falling wasn't that tempting after all.

_Two years and three weeks after Ultimecia's defeat_

Seifer grinned impishly as he strolled through Garden's front entrance. The box in his shirt pocket felt like it was burning a hole against his chest, but in a good way. He'd never felt so nervous before, yet at the same time he was almost giddy.

"Seifer!" Selphie ran up, panting for breath, the smile usually present on her face missing. "Something happened to Squall."

The floor dropped out from underneath Seifer. "Where is he?"

"The infirmary..."

Seifer took off at a run, barely hearing Selphie's voice shouting his name as she raced after him. He stumbled through the infirmary doors, dropping down to a walk only out of deeply ingrained consideration for Kadowaki. He froze at the window to the room where Squall lay unconscious. The brunet's face was too pale.

"Squall..." Seifer's voice shook and he pressed a hand against the window for a moment. "Doc, what happened to him?"

"There was an accident in the training center," Kadowaki said, walking up behind Seifer and putting a comforting hand on his shoulder. "One of the cadets was unable to control her GF during one of the training exercises. Squall attempted to draw the GF from the girl, but something went wrong. The cadet is also unconscious in the next room over. We'll know more when they wake up." She sighed and patted his arm before dropping her hand away. "Go sit with him. I'm sure he'll be glad to see your face when he wakes."

"This day was going so well, too." Letting out a shaky breath, Seifer let himself into Squall's room and took a seat beside his bed.

Seifer wasn't sure how much time passed as he sat there, waiting for his favorite blue eyes to open for him. But when they did...

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

Seifer couldn't breathe.

* * *

In his haste to pack his things, the picture frame dropped to the ground. The was the sound of something shattering upon the frame's impact with the floor and Seifer stared at the shards of of broken glass that littered the carpet without really seeing them. He reached down, careless of the way the shards sliced his fingers to create thin lines of red, to rescue the photograph that lay in the center of the mess. It showed him with Squall – there was a rare smile on the brunet's face as he faced the camera, though Seifer's eyes were on Squall and he wore an expression Squall once admitted made him feel week-kneed.

After what happened in the infirmary, they'd probably never be seen like that together again. The first time Squall forgave Seifer for the war took months. Seifer didn't think he'd last through a second time.

"Seifer?"

Distantly, Seifer turned to face Zell. "He doesn't remember. He remembers me torturing him... he doesn't remember _us_."

"I heard." Zell gestured to the bags and the mess. "What are you doing?"

"He isn't gonna want me here..." Seifer felt the world spin dizzily around him.

"So you're just leaving?"

"Fuck off, Chicken-wuss. I don't need you to tell me I'm being a coward. I'm perfectly aware of that all on my own."

There was a long silence before Zell finally said, "there's an empty room next to mine. The door doesn't have a locking code set. Take your stuff there. I'll clean up the mess."

Returning his attention to the picture in his hand, Seifer remembered the night, two years ago, that he'd come so close to the edge of his breaking point and Squall had called him back, demanding that he be himself once more. "I guess I'm not really me without Squall," he muttered, letting the picture fall before grabbing his bags and leaving in a daze.

_One month and a day after Ultimecia's defeat_

The hardest part was smiling.

Seifer was used to sitting alone by now, but smiling as he sat there, pretending he was reading his book when he was really internally cringing away from the hate-filled glares, was difficult. He didn't feel like smiling since he wasn't actually happy. In fact, Seifer still felt pretty fucking depressed. It was just... Squall told him to stop giving up, so Seifer intended to do his best not to give up.

If that meant smiling in the cafeteria while he 'read' and ate lunch, then Seifer was gonna wear his favorite 'smug bastard' grin and make everyone think he was just fine. Eventually it'd be the truth, anyway. Eventually he really would be fine.

Eventually sounded kind of far away.

"You were really on our side the whole time?"

Startled, Seifer barely managed to keep himself from jumping at the sound of Zell's voice. Sticking a bookmark between the pages, Seifer put down his book and tilted his head to the side as he regarded Zell curiously. "It took you an entire month to ask me this?" He held up a hand to forestall Zell's response. "Yes, I was on your side the whole time."

"How do you live with yourself?" Zell's tone wasn't accusing, though the question was certainly stated poorly. But that was Zell's way... good intentions sheathed in poor phrasing.

Seifer flinched at the question anyway. A thousand responses ran through his mind. Most of them were snarky, a few cruel, and more than Seifer was comfortable with held thinly veiled references to the way he'd considered falling from the balcony the night before. "One day at a time," seemed like the safest answer.

Taking a bite of his lunch, Seifer watched Zell process the words. "Anything else you'd like to know or are you going to go back to avoiding me like the plague now?"

"You should start having lunch with Quistis, Selphie, Irvine, and me," Zell responded instead. "You... don't have to be alone all the time. That's Squall's thing, after all."

A sharp bark of laughter burst from Seifer's lips, genuine amusement flooding through him for the first time in far, far too long. "Thanks Dincht. You'll regret that tomorrow, I'll bet."

Zell laughed a little too. "You're probably right."

_Seven months, three weeks, and two days after Ultimecia's defeat_

"What do you mean, 'end this?'" Rinoa shrilled, staring at Squall in shock.

Seifer tried not to curse as the fighting couple turned to stare at him. He waved the file in his hand absently. "This can wait. I'll, uh... come back later." He took a step back, fully intending to get the hell out of Dodge before he managed to further incite Rinoa's wrath. Nearly eight months after the shit with Ultimecia and she still couldn't forgive Seifer for his sins.

Not that he particularly gave a damn about her forgiveness anymore. Rinoa had transformed into a harpy and he was only too happy to avoid her.

"That's not necessary," Squall insisted quietly. "Rinoa and I are finished."

"No, we aren't," Rinoa snapped.

Seifer had the strangest feeling they weren't just talking about the argument.

"It's over, Rinoa," Squall responded calmly, his voice turning to ice and steel. "You're more than welcome to continue staying at Garden as a guest. Our relationship, however, is over."

"No!" Rinoa shook her head. "It's not over. We can't be over! We're supposed to have our happily ever after together! Just because you're scared to admit your feelings for me..."

"I don't love you, Rinoa. It's been eight months," he sounded exhausted and frustrated. "If I was going to fall in love with you, it would have happened already. But it's not going to..."

"You just don't understand what you're feeling..."

"I understand perfectly well what I feel," Squall growled, eyes narrowing. "I'll start moving my stuff out tonight."

Seifer wondered if he'd mysteriously blended into the wall, given the way the two were arguing like he wasn't even there. It certainly seemed that way, given the hasty way he had to move out of Rinoa's path when she stormed out of the office.

"So I take it you broke up with her," Seifer commented on the obvious once the door shut behind the angry woman. "She's taking this worse than when I dumped her to go back to Garden. Here I'd thought she'd grown out of the hissy-fit stage."

"What's in the file?" Squall asked, blatantly changing the subject.

"Uh, well..." Seifer nervously held out the file. "Since I'm not exactly in demand for missions right now," which was painfully true given how most clients would subtly – or not so subtly – request that Seifer not be involved, "and I've been too busy to go on missions anyway," since he had to appear in court every few days for the long, drawn out lawsuits – though these suits were drawing to a close – against the reporters and newspapers who'd slandered his name, "I'm putting in a request to transfer into the Instructor's training program. If I can get an Instructor's license in four months, then I can restart the gunblade specialization classes."

Squall's eyebrow lifted as he listened to Seifer's words and flipped through the file. Seifer had gotten all the documents in order; all Squall had to do was sign them... or tear them up.

"You'd still be required to go on missions when ordered to," Squall finally said, looking up. "The two of us are the only gunbladers in Garden right now and neither of us can afford to be completely tied down to internal Garden positions."

"Okay," Seifer nodded. "I'd rather go on missions than teach idiot cadets anyway."

"Why are you doing this?" Squall asked. "Things are already getting better for you, aren't they?"

Things were getting better for him. He was winning lots of money in his lawsuits and the people who'd slandered him were having their names dragged through the mud now. The reporters who'd been neutral on the subject of Seifer Almasy were now defending him as an 'unsung hero' who'd been wrongly attacked by jerks more interested in sensationalism than the truth. Oddly enough, the public was eating it up. Apparently they didn't mind not having him as a scapegoat after all.

And now Squall had broken up with Rinoa and was available once more...

Seifer shrugged. It was way too soon to even contemplate asking Squall out on a date.

"It'll still be a while before anyone is actually comfortable with the idea of me being on missions, much less a mission they've paid for. Until then, I need to be useful somehow. I can't keep lazing around Garden all day." Seifer had been aiming for levity there, but his voice fell a bit flat. He hadn't been 'lazing around Garden' and Squall knew it, but it sounded better than saying that he'd been attending counseling – where he he was successfully dealing with his depression – and going to court – where he had to listen while ignorant assholes attempted to make him feel like monster.

"I'll get this signed and filed," Squall promised, setting it on his desk. He paused and then bit his lower lip nervously. Seifer couldn't help but stare at the way his lip turned a fuller shade of red under the abuse. "Seifer... would you help me get my stuff moved to a different dorm this evening?"

"Do you have any pressing matters now?" Seifer asked.

"Not really... just signing that file for you."

"Then get back to it later." Seifer slipped his hands into his pockets and offered Squall a smile. "I'm sure that the faster you're out of the rooms you've been sharing with Rinoa and into your own space, the better you'll feel. We could go ahead and start now."

Squall blinked at him and then smiled faintly. "You're right."

_Two years, three weeks, and five days after Ultimecia's defeat_

"Quistis tells me that I broke up with Rinoa about eight months after Ultimecia was defeated," Squall said out of nowhere, dropping into the chair across from Seifer in the cafeteria. The blonde was only there because Selphie and Zell dragged him there. He'd been 'sick' the past few days to avoid going out of his new dorm or having to deal with the three gunblade students still on campus over the Summer.

Mostly, though, he'd been hiding from Squall and wallowing in misery. Having the brunet show up was not making Seifer feel better.

"Zell said that you've been in love with me since before the shit with Ultimecia happened."

"Fucking traitor," Seifer grumbled, glaring in the direction the tattooed martial artist had run off in just minutes earlier. He should have known something was up when Selphie mumbled an excuse to leave in the opposite direction.

"Selphie says that you and I... have been dating for about a year now."

Seifer froze. He couldn't say anything. How could he say anything?

"I found this on my... our dresser when I was released from the infirmary." Squall placed the picture of the two of them – the one that no longer had protective glass – on the table.

"What do you want from me?" Seifer demanded, his voice rougher – more broken – than he was prepared to admit. "Are you looking for confirmation from me over what they've told you?" Squall flinched and looked away. "What do you want me to say, Squall? That the morning you lost your memories, I tried to convince to stay in bed with me just a little bit longer? That you told me you loved me and it wasn't the first time you said those words? That our anniversary was four days ago..." his voice choked off.

Squall's eyes widened in shock. "We... you and I..."

"You can't even imagine it being possible, can you?" Seifer laughed shakily, knowing the smile on his face probably looked a little deranged. He ran his hand through his hair, trying desperately to get himself back under control. "It's obvious the mere idea of being in a relationship with me disturbs you. Just... forget about it. You've already forgotten everything else."

Standing up, Seifer walked out of the cafeteria. It took all his willpower not to look back because he knew if he did, he'd start crying and the only thing more humiliating than the idea of crying in the middle of the cafeteria where everyone could see was the certainty that if he started, he'd never be able to stop.

However, because he did not look back, he did not see the look that came over Squall's face – regret and confusion – or the way he held the picture in his hands close to his chest...

_One year and three weeks after Ultimecia's defeat_

"So... you're Instructor Almasy now?" Quistis asked teasingly. If she felt any bitterness over his new Instructor's License, she was doing a great job of hiding it. "Does that mean _I_ get to call you Instructor?"

"You can call me whatever you want, Quisty," Seifer joked back.

"Seriously, though, congratulations." Quistis beamed at him. "I'm really proud of you," she added sincerely.

"We all are," Selphie chirped.

"Are you really sure you want to teach cadets?" Squall asked, his nose wrinkling imperceptibly.

"I'll probably wind up scaring them all off in the first couple of weeks," Seifer responded with a laugh. "So if I change my mind, there won't be any cadets in my specialization course to worry about anyway."

Zell snorted in badly hidden laughter. "Yeah, right. It'll be just what you deserve to have at least one smartass in your class that you can't scare off or run off and get stuck putting up with all year long."

"I'm with Zell on this one," Quistis agreed with a smirk.

"I can feel the love," Seifer responded dryly.

Irvine reached over and slugged Seifer in the shoulder – not out of spite of course, but in that manly 'friendly-slug-to-the-shoulder' way that Seifer had always found to be a touch over the top – and grinned at him. "Instructor Almasy... it's got a good ring to it."

"Thanks, Irvine."

"It's too bad Fuu and Rai had to leave for college before you could share the news with them," Selphie observed. "They were so anxious for you, too. You should go call them right now."

Seifer nodded, fingering the license in his grip as an oddly satisfied feeling came over him. He hadn't been sure that instructing was something he wanted to do when he began the teaching courses – he still wasn't sure – but he'd earned the right to at least give it a try. It felt good. "You're right, Selphie. I should let them know the good news before the suspense kills Raijin and causes Fujin to snap, come back here, and kill me." Selphie giggled at that statement, as if it were simply a joke and not the truth.

Accepting another round of hugs from Selphie and Quistis, Seifer waved at the others and excused himself from the classroom where he'd called them all down to share the news. Seifer didn't get far, though, before Squall grabbed his arm from behind. Seifer hadn't even noticed the brunet getting up to follow him.

"Yeah?" Seifer smiled, his heart thudding from the way Squall's hand continued to linger on his arm as he turned to face the shorter man.

"Let me take you to dinner tomorrow night... as a celebration."

Never before in his life had Seifer felt this tongue-tied. "I... uh..."

"Never mind." Squall flushed and looked away.

"No, I'd love to have dinner with you." Somehow, Seifer had managed to speak the words, though he had no idea how.

Squall relaxed and even smiled. There was something about the smile that made Seifer feel like there were butterflies fluttering in his stomach. Idly he wondered when he'd turned into such a girl over Squall, but he wasn't particularly upset by the feeling.

"Good." Squall sounded relieved and his thumb began tracing designs on Seifer's arm, sending electric heat coursing through Seifer's body. "Meet me at the motor-pool at six, okay? The restaurant is going to be a surprise, but it's a casual place."

"Sounds great." Seifer wanted to lean in and kiss Squall. He wanted – needed – to know what the brunet's mouth would feel like beneath his own. But Squall had darted off before Seifer could do more than process the sudden, sharp ache that had ignited within him.

Fuu and Rai were gonna have to wait a little bit longer for their phone calls.

_Six months one week and two days after Ultimecia's defeat_

"You're moving in with Rinoa?" Seifer questioned carefully. He recalled the way she'd been smirking at him earlier. 'You might have his friendship, but I have his love,' she'd said once, about two months or so after the thing with Ultimecia had come to a close. It hurt to think she was right.

The girl was such a little bitch.

"Yeah."

"Yesterday you were complaining about how all the two of you seem to do anymore is fight. How is moving in together going to fix things?" Seifer asked, trying to convince himself he was asking out of genuine concern and friendship and not out of jealousy over the way Squall would bend over backwards for the raven-haired sorceress.

"I don't know."

"Squall..."

"I don't know how to fix my relationship with her," Squall snapped, interrupting what Seifer had planned to say. "But she's always saying I don't spend enough time with her. Maybe if she and I move in together, we'll finally be spending enough time together and..." he sighed, looking away. "What's love supposed to feel like, anyway?"

"Well... aren't you in love with Rinoa?"

"I don't know," Squall responded quietly, looking more lost than Seifer could ever recall.

It nearly broke the blonde's heart.

"When you love someone, it can take your breath away with the intensity," Seifer finally said, determinedly not looking at Squall. "It makes you act in ways you wouldn't normally. It makes you want to keep that person close and let no one else have that person... yet not act on that desire because their happiness is more important than your own and no one can be happy hidden away from the world. Even if that person's happiness means standing back and letting them find love with someone else..." Seifer trailed off and looked at Squall. "I'm sorry. That probably didn't help."

"Seifer... you..." Squall bit his lip, clearly flustered. "You're not still in love with Rinoa, are you?"

"That implies I ever loved her to begin with," Seifer responded with a shake of his head. "I've never loved her. There's someone else I... I can never have. I shouldn't have said anything, but that's the only way I've ever known love to be."

"Unrequited." There was a short pause. "I take it you don't want to say who?"

"I'd rather not. Most of the time I'm pretty good at pretending nothing is wrong. That's likely a bad talent to be proud of, but it keeps me going. So don't worry about it, okay?"

"How can you say what you did and then expect me not to worry?" Squall grumbled, scowling at him. "Just don't do anything crazy. I still remember that night I found you in the secret place. I thought you were going to jump for a moment before you pulled back from the edge. You scared me."

"I scared myself that night," Seifer admitted. It was the first time he'd ever said that to anyone. "I thought about jumping... but I wasn't ready to let everything end like that."

"Good." Squall's hand reached out and grabbed Seifer's arm. "Everyone tells me I bottle too much up inside myself. I'm starting to think you're even worse than I am when it comes to that."

"If I need to talk to someone, I know where to find you... and the shrink. Don't worry," Seifer let out a deep breath as Squall's hand slid away. "I've been seeing her a lot, actually... the shrink."

"Dr. Allison is a psychiatrist, not a shrink," Squall corrected automatically. "Does talking with her really help?"

"Oddly enough, it does. She's... very good at her job. I was expecting a lot of hemming and hawing and explanations that what's wrong with me stems from some long forgotten trauma involving my parents and horses, but she actually listens and gives real advice instead of quoting Freud all the time."

Squall nodded slowly, having only met the doctor a few times himself right after the war ended. "I had a good impression of her when I met her," he agreed.

"Are you sure moving in with Rinoa is what you want?"

"I'd rather not talk about that anymore."

"It's just, you've developed a disturbing tendency of doing what others want and completely ignoring when mutely going along with things makes you miserable. You can't deny that's what happened last week when Rinoa dragged you out to that 'who's-who' party in Dollet."

"Seifer..." Squall bit out Seifer's name in a warning tone.

"I just worry about you, that's all. You never seem happy anymore."

"I'm not the only one," Squall retorted sharply.

"Touche. Well, the first day in court is tomorrow. Cid wants me to wake up at some ungodly hour of the morning, so I'll be going." Seifer stood and headed to the door of Squall's office. "If you need help moving in with Rinoa and I'm not in court, then let me know. I'll give you a hand, okay?"

"Thanks."

_One year, three weeks, and one day after Ultimecia's defeat_

"Is this what it's supposed to feel like?"

The non sequitor confused Seifer, but then the whole night had been slightly surreal. He was a little afraid – okay, terrified, really – that any second he'd wake up alone and miserable some four months earlier.

Seifer had shown up at the motor-pool five minutes til six. He'd dressed casually – jeans, a black t-shirt with a red button-down shirt over it (the buttons undone and the sleeves rolled up to his elbows), and tennis shoes – and been pleasantly surprised, and turned on, by the way Squall had looked him over. The brunet's blue-eyed gaze had clearly lingered in places that a friendly gaze didn't typically linger.

Squall's stare wasn't the only thing that contributed to the heightened state of awareness Seifer had found himself in. Dressed in jeans that clung to his ass every bit as tightly as the leather pants he was so fond of, Squall looked positively delicious. His navy shirt brought out the cerulean in his eyes...

The car was a fast one and Seifer enjoyed the ride into town. Squall drove at speeds well above speed-limit while they were outside of Balamb and it was thrilling to watch the skill with which Squall handled the curves. In town they pulled up to an out of the way restaurant that, as Squall had promised, had a casual atmosphere. The inside was a little on the dark side, but that lent to an atmosphere of privacy.

Flustered by the intimate setting, Seifer stammered his way through the first ten minutes or so at the restaurant, but eventually he relaxed and they wound up talking over dinner. And somehow they agreed to share a dessert.

Seifer had just taken his first bite of the apple crisp a la mode (admittedly closing his eyes in bliss over the taste and perhaps sucking on the spoon just a touch provocatively) when Squall had asked his question out of nowhere.

"Is this how_ what's_ supposed to feel like?"

A laugh of amusement slipped free from the brunet and he smiled at his blonde companion. "Don't worry about it." Reaching out, Squall snagged a bite of the dessert for himself. His eyelids dropped slightly and he practically purred as he got a taste of the treat.

Suddenly Seifer's mouth went dry and his body felt far too warm. He managed to say, "delicious, right?" without sounding off, though.

"Hyne, yes..."

Minutes later they'd finished off the desert and Squall paid for dinner over Seifer's objections. They arrived at the car in silence, yet somehow Seifer found himself pinned against the side with Squall's mouth fused to his own.

Not that Seifer was complaining. The reverse, in fact. He never wanted that moment to end.

_Two years, three weeks, and six days after Ultimecia's defeat_

Someone was banging at Seifer's door.

Blinking at the glowing red numbers on his clock, Seifer let out a little growl of frustration. It was 2:37 in the morning and someone was banging at his fucking door. He didn't like mornings, much less insane hours of the morning when normal people slept. Fully intending to tell whoever was there – most likely Jayce, one of his gunblade cadets and the only one slated to take the end of summer SeeD exam; Jayce was a little dramatic and high-strung, but brilliant with a gunblade in his hands – that he didn't give a damn what personal crisis they were experiencing because it could wait until he'd had more than an hour-and-a-half of sleep and felt more human, Seifer hauled himself out of bed, searched blindly for his robe, and pulled the fabric on as he headed for the door. He was cinching the belt around his waist when he hit the open command on the door's control panel.

Out of all the people in Garden who might have had cause to knock on Seifer's door at 2:37 in the morning, Squall was the last person the blonde had expected to see.

They stared at one another for a long moment, Squall's hand still raised and frozen in mid-knock. Slowly his hand dropped to his side, but the silence continued.

"So... something the matter?" Seifer wanted to smack himself, but what else was he supposed to say?

Squall bit his lower lip and Seifer's eyes were drawn to the motion. "You never used to give up so easily," Squall observed quietly. In a single, fluid movement, Squall slid forward and pressed his lips against Seifer's. His arms wrapped around Seifer's shoulders as the blonde stumbled back a few steps, his arms instinctively moving to embrace Squall. He moaned into the kiss, not hearing as the door shut.

He was dreaming. Seifer couldn't think of any other explanation. Squall was here but he'd forgotten everything so... so this had to be a dream.

"Squall..." Seifer whispered the name against the brunet's neck. It didn't feel like a dream. Having a warm, armful of Squall felt so wonderful. He kissed Squall's skin, nipping and licking and needing to feel more. "Squall..." Seifer's actions grew more and more desperate as Squall writhed and moaned, pressing closer against Seifer's body. "Squall..."

"Seifer..." Squall pulled away, just enough to make them both catch their breath. "Oh, Hyne..." Squall panted, his hands still clutching Seifer's robe.

"Squall..." Seifer felt himself start trembling. "Please don't be messing with me. Please..." He buried his face against Squall's neck as Squall pulled him close and began running his fingers up and down along Seifer's spine.

"Our apartment feels empty," Squall told him. "Our bed feels empty... I feel empty. There's this place in my life where you're supposed to be and I need you there. Please come home with me."

* * *

Someone was banging at Seifer's door.

"Don't get up," Squall mumbled, kissing Seifer's temple. "I'll get it." Shoving off the covers, Squall stood from the bed and wandered over to the door. He was still mostly dressed – they'd both been too exhausted to do more than fall into bed together and go to sleep curled up around one another – but the way Squall's pants clung to his ass made sitting up in bed and watching as he walked up to the door completely worth it to Seifer.

"Seifer! I know you're in there! It's almost noon, you need to come... out..." Zell's loud yells cut off once Squall answered the door, shoeless and clearly mussed from sleep. "Uh... Squall..."

"Yes, Zell?"

"Oh... uh... I didn't know you were here."

"Obviously."

"Could you remind Seifer he's supposed to join today's meeting with the instructors overseeing the exam tomorrow? It's in, like, an hour or so. He's gotta get lunch now if he doesn't want to wait until sometime around four..."

"Shit..." Seifer cussed, looking over at the clock. "I forgot..."

"You're welcome for the reminder," Zell called. "Now get your ass in action." Grinning, he gave them a mocking wave before backing away from the door and triggering it's close command.

"So you're going to be one of the instructor's overseeing the SeeD exam?"

"Yeah... since one of the gunblade specialist cadets – Jayce – is taking the exam, they're making me help out. Xu is treating my participation as a necessary form of revenge. Truthfully, though, I'm kind of enjoying being on this side of the test. Just... don't tell Xu; it'd just make her search for some new way to torment me."

Squall smiled and Seifer felt something twisted and painful inside himself begin to fade away.

_One year, four months, and two days after Ultimecia's defeat_

Seifer lay naked and boneless, tangled in the bedsheets with Squall. Every time they had sex it felt like the most mind-blowing experience he'd ever had; it kept getting better. Though they'd finally gotten over what Irvine had jokingly called their 'newlywed period' where they kept sneaking off into the less well-traveled parts of Garden to make out, Seifer felt more in love with Squall than ever.

He just worried sometimes that Squall didn't feel the same. If it was just lust, not love, on Squall's part...

Most of the time, Seifer didn't worry about it. Time would tell and Squall knew perfectly well how damaged Seifer already was. If it wasn't love... then Squall would do his best not to hurt Seifer outside of the unavoidable breakup. But if it was love...

"Mmm... you've got that smile on your face," Squall said, looking up into Seifer's deep green eyes.

"I'm just thinking about you," Seifer leaned over and pressed his lips lightly over Squall's. He'd meant for the action to be chaste, but Squall didn't seem to think that was enough and stole the oxygen away from Seifer's lungs.

"I thought you were tired," Seifer muttered, panting for breath after their lips parted.

"That smile... you only ever wear it while looking at me," Squall observed, laying back against the pillows. "It's like the entire world narrows down to just us when you smile that way. It makes me..." he trailed off and blushed.

"Hot? Week-kneed? Horny?" Seifer leered at Squall and started nibbling at his shoulder.

"All of that," Squall groaned and then squirmed as Seifer nipped at a particularly sensitive spot on Squall's shoulder. "I-I have to get up early, Seifer. I've got a meeting."

"Oh, alright..." Sighing, Seifer wrapped his arms around his lover and lightly kissed the back of Squall's shoulder before closing his eyes.

"Seifer?"

"Hmmm?"

"When I heard you were injured while training the cadets today I..."

There was a long pause and Seifer's eyes reopened. "It was barely a graze," Seifer reassured him. Navi, a cadet who had no business specializing in gunblades and who would be transferred back into sword specialization classes once the semester ended, had accidentally shot Seifer in the training center. She'd dropped her gunblade on accident and pulled her gun when a grat charged her.

"I know that now, but then..." Squall shuddered. "All I was told was that you'd been shot and taken to the infirmary and all I could think was that we didn't wake up together this morning... that I'd barely had a chance to say more than 'hi' to you..."

When Squall trailed off again, Seifer prodded him verbally. "What are you trying to tell me?"

"Move in with me."

"W-what?"

"Move in with me. I... I want to wake up with you there every morning one of us isn't on a mission. I don't like it when one of us has to rush away to grab something forgotten in another dorm; I like the mornings when we can just lay in bed together..." Squall bit his lip nervously, awaiting Seifer's reply.

"Okay." Squall's smile made Seifer feel rather week-kneed himself.

_One year, seven months, and two weeks after Ultimecia's defeat_

"Oh come on, one of these places has to have the perfect ring," Irvine complained.

Exchanging an amused look with Squall and Zell, Seifer patted the cowboy lightly on the shoulder in a manner more condescending than comforting. "I'm sure you'll find something," he consoled patronizingly.

"After all, this is only the fifth jewelry store we've been inside," Zell added. "It's not like there aren't two more stores in town or sixteen more three hours away in Dollet."

"And if those fail," Squall chimed in, "I can always send you to Laguna and let him show you all the stores in Esthar City."

Irvine turned and glared at them. "Funny guys. Real funny. This is The Ring I'm looking for here. This is the ring that will show Selphie how much I love her and how much I want to spend the rest of my life with her and only her. Could you three at least try to be supportive?"

"It might kill me," Seifer warned, smirking.

"Seifer..." Squall slid his hand into Seifer's and squeezed lightly. "Play nice."

"Shopping with Quistis, Selphie, and Fujin isn't nearly as mind-numbingly boring as this... and they were using me to carry bags at the time," Seifer grumbled. Seeing the look on his lover's face, Seifer sighed and nodded. "Fine. I'll stop mocking you, Kinneas."

"Whipped," Zell observed in amusement.

"Oh, definitely," Irvine agreed.

Seifer responded with his middle finger.

Rolling his eyes, Squall pulled Seifer over to a random display. "We should stop messing with Irvine," Squall advised. "He's doing a good job of hiding it, but he's nervous enough about finding the perfect ring as it is."

"I know... he's just such an easy target. I can't help but enjoy tormenting him."

"How have your students survived you?"

"They've grown thicker skin," Seifer observed. "Jayce in particular. He's pretty talented; he'd already been training himself with a gunblade before I started the class and, though I had to correct a few bad habits, he'll probably be ready to take the SeeD exam as a gunblade specialist at the end of the summer."

"What about your other students?"

"I'm gonna kick Avery out of the class, which brings my cadets down to five. Avery's trying, but he's just not cut out for gunblades. He just... lacks the instinct for it. It's been almost a whole school year, but he still treats the practice weapon more like a sword than a gunblade." Seifer shrugged, honestly feeling bad for the fourteen-year-old. It was never easy to be told that a dream wouldn't come true and just as difficult to be the one doing the telling.

"Huh..." Squall was staring into the display in confusion. "Engagement bracelets?" he sounded confused. "I've never heard of that before..."

"Me either," Seifer agreed, gazing into the case. A lot of the bracelets were gaudy, not unlike the majority of the wedding rings Irvine had vetoed. There was one, though, that caught Seifer's eye. It was made from some silvery metal – probably platinum – and adorned only by a simple ivy etching. There was something surprisingly lovely about the design and he wondered absently what it would look like on Squall's wrist.

He shook off the thought regretfully. They'd only been dating for about seven months; it was too soon to be contemplating marriage much less picking out the ring... or bracelet in this case.

"Ugh, you two may be gay, but trend-savvy you are not," Irvine sighed, as if the duo had done something pathetically sad. "Engagement bracelets are currently a fad amongst the gay community in Esthar and it's spreading pretty fast. Since guys aren't always keen on the engagement ring thing – after all, how do you decide who wears the ring or if both do? – but bracelets are another story entirely. So both guys wear engagement bracelets... there was a display in the third store we visited, guys."

"Did we look like we were paying attention to anything in that horrible place?" Seifer asked, shuddering at the reminder of the bright, colored lights and florid wallpaper.

"I just remember feeling sick in that place," Zell muttered. "It was terrible... terrible..."

"Zell, if you're that traumatized, could you at least wait until you're with your girlfriend before succumbing to the mental scarring?" Squall rolled his eyes, adding, "we don't want to deal with you acting crazy on top of Irvine's insecurities."

"I'm not insecure!" Irvine growled. "I'm just..."

"OCD?" Seifer filled in. "Squall, I thought we weren't gonna torment Irvine any further."

"Whoops," was the flat, emotionless reply.

"Let's get going," Irvine grumbled. "Where's the next store? This place doesn't have what I'm looking for either."

_One year, four months, and five days after Ultimecia's defeat_

"Enough is enough, Squall. I don't know what I did to make you so mad at me, but I'm sorry. You don't need to keep using Seifer to punish me anymore. We can fix things now."

"Fix what, Rinoa?" Squall growled. "I love Seifer. I never loved you. It's that simple. I don't know what the hell is wrong with you, but I want you to leave Garden."

"Or at least get out of our apartment," Seifer observed, walking out of the bedroom.

"You did something to him!" Rinoa insisted. "You... you bastard, you did something to Squall!"

"Get out!" Squall snarled. "Pack your things and leave. I don't care where you go, but you are no longer welcome at Garden."

"You can't just... just..." Rinoa clapped a hand over her mouth and fled the room.

Squall stood there for a moment, fists clenched at his side. Wordlessly he walked over to the comm-unit and tapped in a code.

"Squally!" Selphie's voice chirped from the unit. "Changed your mind about borrowing my 'toy' magazine? I know Seifer'd love it if you did," she teased.

Seifer choked on a laugh, seeing the murderous expression on his lover's face.

"Rinoa just tried to convince me that Seifer controlling me and forcing me to be with him," Squall told her. "I told her to pack her things and get the hell out of Garden."

"Oh. Well it's about time," Selphie agreed. "Irvy and I will go make sure she's packed and gone by the end of... tomorrow. She's got a lot of crap to pack, after all. Don't worry about it, Squall. We'll take care of it for you."

"Thanks, Selphie."

"Not a problem. Talk to ya later." The comm shut off.

Walking forward, Seifer slid his arms around Squall's shoulders and pulled the brunet's back flush against his chest. "You love me, huh?"

"That's not how I wanted to tell you," Squall muttered petulantly. "I love you, Seifer," he said in a stronger voice, twisting to look the blonde in the eyes.

"I love you too," Seifer replied before drawing Squall into a deep kiss. "You know..." Seifer said when they finally broke apart for air, "you're really sexy when you're pissed off on my behalf. My hero," he joked, nibbling on Squall's ear.

"Don't tease me," Squall groaned.

"Mmmm... but your such fun to tease. Speaking of teasing..." Seifer adjusted the angle of his head in order to whisper in Squall's ear, "that magazine Selphie mentioned wouldn't happen to be a sex toy magazine, now would it?"

The question, Seifer decided later, was well worth the elbow that collided with his ribs.

_Two years and one month after Ultimecia's defeat_

"I heard what happened and came as fast as I could..."

Seifer recognized the voice but couldn't place it. The speaker wasn't Squall, though.

"Rinoa." Seifer knew that flat tone, however. Squall was not pleased to see the raven-haired sorceress.

Trying to open his eyes, Seifer felt like his eyelids had been glued shut and his limbs were weighed down by anvils.

"Why are you here?"

"I heard about your accident, silly," Rinoa laughed. "What else would I be talking about? How bad of an accident was it? Oh, why am I asking that. You're at a hospital, it must have been bad. I'm sorry I couldn't get here sooner, but I'm here now and that's what counts, right?"

"Rinoa..."

Seifer couldn't believe she was doing this, but at the same time... Rinoa liked to have the things she wanted and when someone else got those things instead... Seifer could completely believe the bitch was doing this.

"Shush, don't worry. I know what they've probably been telling you. What you have to understand is Seifer did something to you... he was controlling you some way. But now you're free and we can be together again."

"I can't believe you," Squall growled. "Selphie must have been right about my reasons for breaking up with you including the fact that you're a manipulative bitch. Seifer's been hurt on a mission; he's the one in the hospital. But here you are, trying your damnedest to..." Squall trailed off in frustration. "Just stay the hell away from me, Rinoa. I love Seifer and nothing is going to change that."

"No... Squall, please..." Rinoa sounded so pitiful as the door shut on her.

Seifer blinked in surprise. His eyes were open; he didn't remember opening them, but he was looking up into Squall's worried eyes.

"Squall," Seifer's voice was painfully rough, but he managed to say the brunet's name anyway.

"Here," Squall grabbed a paper cup off the table and then sat on the edge of the bed. Sliding an arm around Seifer's shoulders, Squall helped Seifer sit up enough to suck a few ice chips into his mouth.

Swallowing once the ice had melted, Seifer grinned and reached out, linking his right hand with Squall's left. "Thanks." Rubbing his thumb along Squall's wrist, Seifer was surprised to feel some sort of bracelet there. Since when did Squall wear jewelry beyond his mother's ring and the Griever pendant?

Frowning, Seifer turned to look at Squall's wrist and then froze at what he saw there.

One of the platinum bracelets that Seifer had purchased just days before, the thin metal and etched leaves looking perfect on Squall's arm. "I... I thought I'd hidden that," Seifer confessed, unsure if Squall remembered what it was supposed to mean.

"I was putting your things away at home," Squall admitted. "Apparently I get antsy when you're on missions." He blushed. "I found the box with the bracelets in with your things and I... obviously I looked inside and... I remembered something. Irvine dragging us ring shopping. We were so bored...

"Anyway, I... put the bracelet on, just to see how it looked and... and then Quistis commed me to tell me you were in the hospital. I forgot to take it off." Squall paused uncertainly, fiddling with the bracelet using his right hand, his fingers brushing against Seifer's as he did. "It feels right... like it belongs there," Squall declared quietly.

"You do know that those are meant as symbols of engagement, right?" Seifer asked tightly.

"I remember," Squall assured him, leaning in and kissing him. "I may not remember a lot about us right now, but I do know what I feel. You belong with me, Seifer. I'm incomplete otherwise. So... yes, I want to marry you."

Elation thrummed through Seifer and he smiled at Squall, gratified at the way Squall's eyes darkened.

"Now, what's the last thing you remember about the mission you were on?"

"The SeeD exam..." Seifer trailed off, trying to recall the events. "I remember we arrived at the site of the dragon nest without a hitch..."

Kit note – Though the scenes are out of order, there is a flow to them. Each scene relates to the one before and after it in important ways, though there are a few overreaching themes throughout the whole story. I'm sure it was obvious once the engagement bracelets came up just what Seifer had in the box in his shirt pocket the day Squall lost his memories. Though I'm sure the initial guesses were close to correct too. ^_^ Good thing I wasn't trying to be sneaky there, right?


	6. Broken Dolls

Disclaimer - All ownership of _FF8_ belongs to Square Enix. I suppose that's why all I ever write about their characters is fanfiction.

Author - Emcey

__A/N - I was searching for inspiration for something light-hearted and so I went searching through old Seifer/Squall fanfics to see if any would spark my imagination. All I can say is that we Seifer/Squall fans are certainly an angsty lot.

Summary - A serious of story snippets connected by themes, though each represents a different world.

_**Broken Dolls**_

Squall sat watching the slow rise and fall of Seifer's chest. Only that slow, steady movement confirmed the beeping of the heart monitor; Seifer really was alive.

If Seifer had his way, though... he'd be dead.

Though Squall knew depression well, he'd never felt like killing himself. He'd never considered jumping off of buildings without a safe way to land; he'd never thought about cutting his arms, much less slashing his wrists; he'd never...

For all the times in his life when he'd wanted things to end, his life had never been one of those 'things.' He'd never considered that Seifer saw things any differently.

There were a lot of 'nevers' in Squall's life that he was starting to have to rethink. Because if Seifer had killed himself... Squall wasn't sure he could live in the world that would have followed. The reality that's been shoved on him in the wake of Seifer's attempted suicide was painful enough.

"Just how long have I been in love with you?"

* * *

Seifer had never thought of Squall as weak.

The idea that the brunet could be beaten or broken had simply never occurred to him. Seifer had expected his rival to always be there, gunblade in hand and ready to take on whatever Seifer could throw at him... because if anyone in the world stood a chance of winning against Squall, it was Seifer.

But Squall lay too pale against the off-white sheets of the infirmary, staring listlessly out the window. His wrists were swathed in bandages because he'd slit them. The nightmarish image of Squall surrounded by blood still burned behind Seifer's eyelids every time his eyes slipped shut for even a second.

Kramer never should have made Squall's position as Commander permanent. Doing so had taken one of his best fighters out of the field and pushed on Squall far more pressure than the teen had been prepared to handle. The press was a fickle creature that heaped praise on Squall one minute and tore him to shreds the next. Sending SeeD out on missions was difficult enough when there were so many different weapons specialists to choose from, but knowing they might not come back... having to deal with the aftermath when they didn't... Seifer had watched as Squall was bombarded from all sides by people who felt they had a say in his affairs and berated him for his imperfections.

At first, Squall had handled everything with poise, but the Rinoa got bored with being stuck at Garden all the time. She didn't like how busy her boyfriend was; she didn't like that he wouldn't spend all of what precious little free time he had with her. Mostly, she didn't like that she couldn't change him into a fawning sycophant who told her his every thought and feeling. So Rinoa dumped him and Quistis began treating Squall like it was his own fault, hinting every chance she had that if Squall had just been a little more open then maybe Rinoa wouldn't have left.

Seifer had intervened when he could, practically begging Kramer to ease off Squall's workload and reading Trepe the riot act where her behavior was concerned, but no one listened. He tried to convince Squall to delegate or complain or... something, but Squall insisted he could handle it himself.

Selphie, Irvine, and Zell were too busy with their own lives to see what was happening to Squall. Seifer had never wished for his posse so badly before. But they had moved on and Seifer was loathe to call them away from their new lives. It wouldn't be fair; they'd already given up so much for him already that he couldn't excuse asking for more... even for Squall.

With everything that had been happening, Seifer had expected Squall to snap. He'd expected the brunet to collapse from a combination of exhaustion and malnutrition from his poor eating and sleeping habits. Except that morning a distraught mother of a SeeD who'd died on a classified mission only days ago had come to Garden to accuse Squall of being personally responsible for her son's death. She insisted that her son wouldn't have died if he'd been qualified for the mission and that Squall should have known that her boy wasn't right for the mission and assigned someone else.

The woman was quickly escorted out of Garden, but Squall had been visibly shaken by the encounter. Only a couple of hours later, when Squall was late for a sparing session, Seifer found himself breaking into Squall's apartment, driven by a fear that he couldn't explain until he saw the scene in Squall's dorm.

Squall had more than snapped under the pressure. He'd shattered.

But the thing was... Squall wasn't weak. Even now, as he lay in the infirmary bed, likely planning his next attempt already, Squall was not weak.

Seifer knew that Squall could come back from this... with the right motivation and environment. There were so many at Garden who'd harmed Squall with their carelessness; he'd never heal here.

"Matron needs help rebuilding her orphanage," Seifer spoke up. He hadn't said a word to Squall since the brunet had woken up; he'd just sat there and let Squall have some time to fully wake and gather his thoughts. "I've been thinking about helping her out, but I didn't want to leave when everyone here was screwing you up. But I've decided to go now and I'm taking you with me."

"You don't have the right to make that decision for me," Squall snapped.

"Garden has driven you to suicide, Squall. Do you really want to stay?"

Squall winced and looked away.

"I can't stand by and watch you completely self-destruct, Squall. I've been asking you to fix things for a while now and you've done nothing to save yourself. You've been too busy saving everybody else. So now I'm done asking. I'm telling you that you are going to stop stretching yourself too thin; you are going to stop trying to change your personality because other people say you should; you are going to let me help you."

"Why?"

"Because you have always been the most important person in my life. I promised to always be there for you and I know that sometimes I do a shitty job of keeping that promise. But, hey, I'm still here... right?"

"..." Squall let out a soft sigh. "When do we leave?"

* * *

Hypnotism is a funny thing; it can cause a person to do horrible things they wouldn't usually do, often simply by disassociating the outcome with the action. But while hypnotism can cause someone to push a button that launches a missile, it cannot force someone to kill themselves or someone they love. It can make them fight those people, however.

But if the fighting becomes a matter of life and death and the hypnotized person reaches a point in the fight where a kill would be appropriate...

Squall watched as Hyperion arched down towards him only to hesitate moments before it would have beheaded him. The gunblade clattered to the ground as Seifer's hands reached for his head.

The blonde swayed there for a long moment before collapsing. The effect was not unlike a puppet whose strings had been abruptly cut, giving Seifer the appearance of a broken doll.

"What a pathetic Knight," Edea whispered absently. "No matter. There are more where he came from... I shall simply take another."

'You could kill him for siding against you...' whispered in the back of Squall's mind. The idea wasn't even appealing as he slipped into unconsciousness.

He would never be the Sorceress' Knight... and, now, Seifer would never be so again either.

* * *

"You said she'd take me."

After arriving at Galbadia Garden, Seifer had ignored Quistis as she left to go talk to Headmaster Martine. Instead he opened a direct comm-line to Balamb Garden, hacking his way past the measures in place to prevent unauthorized communications in the process. A few extra bypasses gave him a direct line to Kramer.

"S-Seifer?" the old man stuttered in surprise. "What are you doing in G-Garden? Shouldn't you be...?"

"She took Squall," Seifer told him in a clipped tone before repeating, "you said she'd take me."

Rinoa gasped in surprise in the background. She'd probably just realized Seifer hadn't been there for her after all.

"What happened? Report, SeeD." Kramer fell into one of his rare 'command-moments.'

"I followed the plan exactly," Seifer wondered if that was why it had screwed up. He did so much better when he was more improvisational. "I wasn't able to shake Trepe, but that shouldn't have mattered. She called in the Timber team when I arrived at the TV station and took Deling hostage, per your orders." Zell and Selphie made strangled noises as they too clued into what had really been happening in that recording room. "Squall led his team into the studio and I let Deling escape; I followed him to where the Sorceress was.

"As far as she knew, I was a Garden wash-out with high-level Gunblade specialization. You said she wouldn't want someone who was SeeD. But she took Squall instead," Seifer growled out, resisting the urge to hit something.

"So now she's going to try to make him her Knight. If he refuses – and he will refuse – then she will torture him until he agrees. Instead of having a Garden spy in place, you've got a mess. If she can't break him and force him to be her Knight... then he'll be of no use to her."

"You think she'll kill him."

"It's a possibility," Seifer responded tightly. Recalling the blank-eyed way Squall had followed after Edea, Seifer shuddered. He couldn't stand the idea of Squall being trapped as Edea's Knight. "If anything happens to him..." Seifer trailed off, not sure where he was going with the statement.

"SeeD Almasy, you're to take over Squall's team for the moment. Keep me on the line; I'll inform SeeD Trepe of the current situation once she rejoins your group."

Seifer's fingers curled into fists. "You swore Squall wouldn't be in danger." That was why Seifer had agreed to this plan, after all. He'd wanted to keep Squall safe.

"I'm sorry... I didn't know."

"You shouldn't promise things you can't guarantee," Seifer snapped. "If we can't get him back soon... I'm holding you responsible."

"... I understand, Seifer. I am sorry."

"Sorry isn't good enough."

* * *

Squall wonders if this is how Seifer felt after Ultimecia was gone.

None of it was his choice, but Squall still feels responsible. Like maybe if he'd fought harder he could have broken her control over him. There's no way to break free of a Sorceress' control, however. Not once she's sunk her claws into her chosen Knight's mind and stripped away his free will. After that, they're stuck looking out through their own eyes, unable to speak or twitch or even blink. It's all what the Sorceress wants from there on out; they only breathe because she lets them.

It's humiliating. Most people – not even Quistis, who claims to know the most about Sorceresses gone mad – don't even know the half of what a Knight is put through by a Sorceress who has gone insane, but Squall still feels humiliated.

It's like someone's reached inside him and violated him in a way he can't even begin to explain.

Seifer once told Squall that there weren't words for what Ultimecia did to him and Squall had wondered if that was simply Seifer's way of saying he didn't want to talk about it. But Squall understands completely now.

The closest description Squall can come up for it is mind rape, but he can't bring himself to say the words... or anything at all for that matter. He just sits there in the silence, refusing to answer the questions about Rinoa's final days, mostly because the words stick in his throat and make him feel nauseous.

The only reason he keeps going is because Seifer sits with him, reminding him that he doesn't have to face the day alone.

* * *

Seifer was terrified.

He was fairly certain that fear wasn't something he did often, or well, given the way it welled inside him and twisted in the direction of anger. But there was no denying just how truly frightened he felt.

The only reason Seifer knew his own name was because the brunet with the gunblade – Squall – told him. He was to go on trial soon for his actions as some Sorceress' Knight; apparently he'd been mind-fucked by the bitch and left out to dry. Never mind that his memories of his entire life were missing and he had no idea how he was supposed to defend himself when he couldn't remember the events in question...

Seifer was completely screwed. That was all there was to it. His life was over and he could barely remember any of it. Maybe it'd pass before his eyes in the moments before he died, though. It'd be nice to know if he'd ever been kissed and whether or not he was still a virgin. In fact, Seifer didn't think he'd mind the dying part too badly if one of his memories happened to be losing his virginity with Squall.

In all seriousness, though, Squall's leather encased ass was practically begging to be freed of it's constraints and fucked hard. Just watching the brunet walk was an exercise in restraint.

Of course, given Squall's attitude towards him, Seifer was pretty certain Squall hated him too much for them to have ever been lovers. It was too bad; there was something about the other teen's snarky comments and smooth tones that made Seifer wish he could listen to Squall all day long.

But... whatever.

"So, basically, I'm considered competent to stand trial for what amounts to being some magical bitch's spokesperson and whipping boy," Seifer filled in, watching Squall's lips tighten in irritation. "That's great. The death penalty is up for grabs and I'm the lucky winner." He lay back against the wall and shut his eyes.

"You were never this pessimistic before," Squall muttered. "Try not to worry, idiot. You're not going to die for being a moron. Well... not unless I kill you the next time we spar."

Seifer smiled slightly. So maybe Squall didn't hate him after all. There was a nice thought.

Suddenly Seifer didn't feel so afraid.

* * *

The first time Squall used magic without a GF, he thought he had to be imagining things. He froze the ice on the lake behind Garden; but there were Freezards everywhere – they were tiny little ice-bats that most people just ignored because they were that useless when it came to attacking – and later Squall managed to convince himself that it was the Freezards who'd caused the lake to ice over.

It wasn't the bats.

Some years later, when Squall couldn't form the Knight's bond with Rinoa, he remembered the frozen lake and wondered. But he pretended everything was fine and she jumped to the conclusion that he didn't love her. Looking back, he knew he didn't. He cared for her, deeply, but not to the point of love.

When Seifer came back, some months after Rinoa left, Squall finally understood why his attempt to bond with Rinoa had failed and why Ultimecia had been forced to partially possess Seifer instead of taking him as her Knight.

Explaining to Seifer that he was someone else's Knight all along was not going to be fun. If the blonde haired idiot called him a Sorceress even _once_...

* * *

Seifer stared in shock at the dead SeeD in front of him.

He'd been startled by her attack and completely unarmed. He was supposed to be safe in Balamb Garden, after all. He wasn't supposed to have to fight anymore.

The magic had leaped from his hands without conscious thought. The electric current searing the Galbadian SeeD before Seifer even knew what was happening.

This couldn't be happening. He'd never had magic before, but somehow... somehow, unjunctioned and without any spell stock, a thundaga had welled up from within him and killed his attacker.

"Seifer?"

He was panicking. He knew he was panicking, but he couldn't stop. He'd promised himself that no more would die because of him, yet here was another addition to the already hefty tally.

"Seifer!" Squall's sharp voice and the hands he placed on Seifer's shoulders jerked Seifer back into the moment. "It's going to be okay. I won't let anything happen to you, okay?"

Nodding slowly, Seifer caught his breath. "I know."


	7. Breathless

Disclaimer – Nothing in this chapter is owned by the writer or causes the writer to earn anything of monetary value... including money.

Author – Kitkatt0430

Info – AU for the end of the game. Squall doesn't need Rinoa's help to come back and Seifer was drawn into time compression and came out at the orphanage. Also, Ultimecia appeared at the orphanage to die nine years before the game instead of thirteen. This is important because every other scene takes place in the past, shortly after Ellone goes away, which is about the time Ultimecia showed up as well.

Teaser – Squall froze, the sight of Seifer laying face down in the water superimposed by a long ago memory of the very same blonde struggling not to drown... Pausing only long enough to discard his gunblade and boots, Squall dove into the freezing water.

_**Breathless**_

Squall sat alone on the back porch, waiting for Ellone like he did every night. She'd left on a ship and the back porch faced the pier, so it was the best place to wait for her to return. She hadn't yet, but it'd only been two weeks. Elle would return eventually. Sis had promised to always be there for him... so she had to come back.

"You're so stupid! You think you know everything, but you don't. I'm not impressed by your prissy, bossy-ness. Just back off and leave Squall alone! He doesn't need you nosing into stuff that isn't your business!"

Seifer's voice startled Squall and he glanced back to look through the window. The blonde boy – the only person who always seemed to know what Squall needed even when Squall didn't – was standing between Quisty and the doorway. He didn't seem to notice the window was open or that Squall could hear him.

"He's my friend, Seifer!" Quistis shot back. "He needs to talk about what's wrong so we can help him..."

"If you don't already know what's wrong, then you're even stupider than I thought," Seifer sneered. "Talking ain't gonna bring Ellone back, Quisty, and Squall won't stop waiting until she does. He doesn't like talking anyway, certainly not with you."

"You're so mean!" Quisty's hands balled into fists in frustration. "All you are is a bully. You make Zell cry, you never play the games Selphie likes, you make fun of Irvy's toys, and you like to talk like you're smarter than me..." she quivered with rage. "You're so dumb the only person who tolerated you was Squall but now... maybe he's hiding from you out there. Maybe you're why he won't come inside."

Seifer flinched, stepping back. Quistis had already covered her mouth with her hands, eyes wide in shock.

"Seifer... I didn't mean it," she started to say, but he'd already turned away from her.

Flinging the door open, Seifer fled the house. Squall took a step towards him, saying his name, but Seifer was moving too fast. He ran down towards the beach and disappeared in the direction of the beach.

Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, Squall thought of all the places that Seifer would go to be alone. Resolving to give the blonde a little time to cool off, Squall turned around sharply and glared at Quistis.

"Never assume you know what I'm thinking ever again," Squall snapped at the cringing blonde girl. "Seifer is my best friend. You hurt him. If you can get Seifer to forgive you then maybe I will too... but right now I don't like you very much."

"I just... wanted to help you..." Quistis sniffled, tears running down her cheeks.

"I don't need your help. I need Seifer." Squall shut the door between them and walked off the porch, heading towards the lighthouse. If Ellone came back while Squall was looking for Seifer, well... Ellone deserved to sit around waiting for him for a while. Seifer was more important.

* * *

The orphanage faded back into Time Compression and then reappeared. Only, instead of the relatively pristine place he'd seen just moments ago, Squall found himself standing in front of the dilapidated, broken shell that orphanage had become after years of neglect. He was back in his own time.

He wasn't alone.

Hyperion lay discarded at Seifer's feet. The blonde was just standing in front of the orphanage, his expression blank as he stared at the building. It was like he wasn't even seeing it.

"Seifer?" Squall watched for some reaction from the other gunblader, but Seifer didn't react at all. "Seifer," he repeated, louder. Still, there was no reaction.

Something akin to fear twisted in Squall's stomach.

Walking up to Seifer, Squall hesitantly placed his hand along the blonde's arm. "Seifer..."

"Don't..." Seifer flinched away from Squall's touch. Turning to his gaze on Squall, the brunet froze under the intensity of wide green eyes. "Just... don't."

Squall nodded and let his hand drop away. There was something in Seifer's voice that worried him. He'd never heard Seifer sound so broken before. Needing to break the silence in a way he never had before, Squall said, "this place is so different, isn't it?"

"Huh? Oh..." Seifer turned back to the orphanage. "Being abandoned does that to a place."

"Yeah... but that isn't really what I meant," Squall tilted his head the side. "It always seemed so much... bigger."

Seifer snorted in suppressed laughter. "Well, we were smaller then."

Some of the tension inside Squall unwound at the sound of Seifer's amusement. "Or maybe it was because this was home back then."

"This place is so different from the rest of the world," Seifer mused quietly. "We were isolated. Back then, this place was our whole world. You were the only one here who mattered to me... my best friend.

"I forgot that."

"So did I."

"I missed it, even though I couldn't remember. It wasn't enough to have Fuu and Rai as my friends... I wanted you. But you kept pushing me away."

Squall met green eyes with blue. "I'm sorry. I was afraid of losing people I cared about so I kept everyone at arms length. Better to be the one who leaves than the one who gets left..." He looked away.

"It's been a while..."

"Huh?"

"It's been a long time since either of us said 'I'm sorry' for anything," Seifer responded.

"Ultimecia's dead." Squall paused a beat. "She can't control you anymore."

"How... how did you know?"

"I've known you all my life. I know you better than Fujin and Raijin do. I knew when I saw your eyes when we fought on the parade float and I knew I was right when you lost so easily."

"Does anyone else..."

"Quistis, Irvine, Selphie, and Rinoa all believe you're innocent. Zell does too, when he isn't busy remembering how much of an ass you can be." Squall frowned darkly, recalling how Zell constantly flipped back and forth between believing in Seifer and believing him to be the devil incarnate. "He knows better, though. Even at your worst, you could never have been capable of the things she made you do."

"But I did them."

"She did them through you," Squall contradicted.

"It doesn't feel that way to me." Seifer let out a deep breath. "I need to be alone for a little while. I need to think things through." He started to walk away. "I won't go far," he promised.

"Won't you need Hyperion?" Squall asked, picking up the obsidian blade from the ground.

"No."

* * *

Squall couldn't find Seifer. He was gone.

Panic was flooding through the brunet's veins. Seifer couldn't be gone. He couldn't. Squall could learn to deal with losing Ellone, but Seifer? Squall couldn't learn to deal with losing Seifer.

So Seifer had to be somewhere nearby.

Running up to the edge of the cliff where the Lighthouse sat, Squall peered over the side of the cliff face into the churning water below. Seifer wouldn't usually be stupid enough to go close to the edge, but then he didn't usually let Quisty's words hurt him when he finally managed to make her blow her top.

Seifer wasn't in the water below, or at least Squall couldn't see him down there. But Squall could have sworn he heard...

"H-help!"

Squall jerked away from the edge and looked around wildly. There was a steep path off to the side, the steps mostly eroded away. Matron always told them not to go down there, that the tide came in fast and the path was dangerous... but Seifer liked to go down there sometimes.

If he'd forgotten...

Hurrying to the path, Squall made his way down to the area below. The water was covering everything up to the cliff side since it was so late, though during the day it was a nice beach. Squall had sneaked down there with Seifer a few times before and it was actually pretty nice... normally. But not like this.

Arms waving, Seifer was struggling to stay afloat in the water. But he couldn't get away. Something was holding the blonde in place even as he thrashed and gasped.

He went under the water.

Without even a moments hesitation, Squall jumped into the water and swam out to where Seifer was. The water was freezing and it tugged at him, trying to drag him away. But Squall was a good swimmer and the tide wasn't strong enough in this area; the access to the ocean was small even with the water rising quickly.

Seifer surfaced again, this time barely able to keep his head above the waves before he was pulled back down. Squall dove, latching onto Seifer and then swimming to the bottom. Seifer's shoe laces were caught on some rocks and had pulled tight so that the blonde's foot couldn't slip out. Grabbing the laces, Squall pulled, attempting to yank them free. With his force in addition to Seifer's flailing limbs, the laces just barely came loose from their tangled mess around the rocks.

Moving upwards, Squall grasped Seifer's arm and broke the surface. Pulling the sluggishly moving boy along, Squall made it back to the path just as the last light of the night vanished.

"Idiot!" Squall smacked Seifer's arm the moment they were safely on land again. Seifer rubbed absently at his arm, gasping for breath and shaking from the cold. "Idiot..." Squall whispered, threading his fingers through Seifer's shirt and buried his face against Seifer's shoulder. "Don't you leave me too. Don't you dare!"

Arms wrapped around Squall's shoulder. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Quisty is stupid," Squall insisted, tears pricking his eyes. "She doesn't know anything. Why did you listen to her?"

"How am I supposed to know when she's wrong?" Seifer asked. "You never tell anyone to leave you alone when you don't want them there. Sometimes I'm afraid it's the same with me..."

"Idiot," Squall repeated. "You're my best friend. You're the most important person to me here. More important than Sis, even."

"More important than Sis?" Seifer laughed and sniffled. "I ran out here and fell asleep down there for no reason, huh. I really am stupid."

"You fell asleep?" Squall sighed and wiped at his eyes as he stood up. He offered Seifer a hand up and then turned to face the path. "You nearly died from a nap," Squall muttered, rolling his eyes. "Idiot."

* * *

It was getting dark and Squall wasn't sure where Seifer had disappeared to.

He'd promised not to go far. Without Hyperion it was too dangerous for Seifer to wander beyond the orphanage. But... there had been something broken in Seifer.

If Seifer was suicidal, then he'd have walked to his death without issue. The thought made Squall's blood run cold.

"SEIFER!" Squall shouted the blonde's name louder than before. "Seifer, where the fuck are you?"

There was a splashing sound from somewhere below.

Squall wasn't sure where he was going, but suddenly he was on a beaten path that might have once had steps leading down to a tiny cove below. The cove was filling with water as the tide came in and the scene was chillingly familiar to Squall. He'd been here before...

"Seifer?" he looked around, panic thrumming through his limbs. "Seifer?" There was something dark staining the water and his eyes followed the color to it's source. Squall froze, the sight of Seifer laying face down in the water superimposed by a long ago memory of the very same blonde struggling not to drown... Pausing only long enough to discard his jacket, gunblade, and boots, Squall dove into the freezing water.

The water was colder than he remembered. Squall swam to Seifer and wrapped an arm around him, hurrying back to the path as fast as he could kick his feet. Dragging the blonde's prone form up the path some distance, Squall flipped him over and pressed a hand to his chest.

There was no rise or fall.

Squall's hand moved up to Seifer's neck and he felt for a pulse. It was weak, but there. There was a great deal of blood on Seifer's face from a painful looking knot at his temple, but Squall was more worried about the lack of breathing. Head wounds were supposed to bleed profusely, but lungs were not supposed to stop inhaling and exhaling.

Drawing in a deep breath, Squall leaned down and began to breathe for Seifer. It only took a few moments before the blonde started coughing and then turned on his side, water spurting from his mouth as he coughed it out of his lungs.

"What the hell were you doing down there?" Squall demanded.

Seifer didn't answer at first, too busy coughing and drawing ragged breaths into his chest to speak. But eventually he managed to get his breathing somewhere close to normal, though there was a painful edge to the sound of his breathing.

"What the hell were you doing down there?" Squall repeated.

"I didn't fall asleep down there this time," Seifer responded mirthlessly. "But it was still an accident. I went down there to think... I remembered that I used to like it down there, but I'd forgotten almost dying there. I tripped over something... probably the same damn rocks my shoe got caught on the last time. I hit my head on something and then... nothing. Nothing until I woke with my chest burning and you breathing into my mouth." Seifer gave Squall a half-hearted smirk. "If you wanted to kiss me that badly, Leonhart, all you had to do was ask."

Squall's fist slammed into Seifer's shoulder with as much force as he could manage. "You stupid, self-centered, son-of-a-bitch!" Squall's own breathing had grown uneven. "You could have died down there. I didn't know where you were..." Squall hit him again. "You could have died, you asshole!"

"Squall..." Seifer's voice shook, but not from the cold. A trembling hand reached up to cup Squall's cheek. "You're crying..."

Jerking away, Squall wiped at his face with his hands. "Fuck..." he whispered, his body shivering from cold and fear and relief and a thousand other reasons that made him want to reach out to Seifer.

"I'm sorry," Seifer whispered, his hands moving to grip Squall's arms even as his face pressed against brunet's chest. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..." he repeated the words, turning them into a blurred litany as he began to cry as well.

Later, Squall couldn't be certain how he managed to get both them and their things up the path or how he got the fire started. What he remembered was the worry that gnawed away inside him every time he looked at Seifer. In the end, they sat together by the fire, not daring to speak a word as they huddled against each other.

* * *

Seifer sniffled and sneezed. He'd managed to catch a cold in the water the night before and now he was miserable. Though he was trying hard not to let on. Matron was mad at him as it was and she didn't need him making things more difficult. It was Selphie's birthday and everything needed to be perfect since it would be her last one at the orphanage.

Selphie was being adopted.

So, in order to hide his less than stellar health, Seifer had convinced – otherwise known as emotionally blackmailed – Quistis into helping him stay out of Matron's way and reasonably comfortable. Squall thought this was the most idiotic plan that Seifer had ever had, but he'd reluctantly agreed to go along with it... on the condition that if Seifer got any more feverish than he currently was – Squall had made him check, having snitched the thermometer, and had agreed that 91 degrees wasn't worth mentioning to Matron, though Squall warned Seifer that if his fever got any higher then Squall would rat him out.

Zell, Selphie, and Irvine had remained blissfully unaware that anything was wrong so far. Matron didn't seem to notice anything either, but Seifer didn't assume that meant she didn't know anything was wrong. It might just mean she thought Squall and Quistis could keep him out of trouble.

"Presents!" Selphie called. "It's time for presents!" The little girl hopped excitedly into the hallway where Seifer had hidden himself when he'd felt the sneezes start creeping up on him. Selphie paused and tilted her head to the side as she stared at him. "You don't look so good, Seifie," she observed quietly. "You could sleep for a while if you'd like and I can do presents later. When I get sniffles, I always feel better after a nap," she added.

"Uh-uh," Seifer shook his head. "Today's your day, Selphie. You're the birthday girl. I can sleep after the presents... and cake." He grinned at her and she nodded, bouncing off into the living room. Seifer's smile faded and he leaned against the wall dizzily. He sniffled and sneezed again. Placing his hand shakily against his forehead, Seifer winced.

He felt too hot, but if his fever was worse than it'd been earlier then it'd ruin the day for Selphie and Matron would get mad at him for the night before all over again. Seifer pushed away from the wall and let his hand drop. As long as Squall didn't know, though... he could keep pretending. He only had to keep it up an hour or so longer.

Wandering into the next room, he sank into the couch with more than a little relief.

Squall sat down next to him and scowled at the blonde. "You're all red," Squall grumbled. "Your fever's worse."

"I already told Selphie I'd go nap after she opens her presents," Seifer muttered back snappishly. "You don't have to mother me."

"You don't have to be mean about it." Squall crossed his arms and looked away.

As Selphie picked up the first present – a sock doll made by Zell and wrapped up in newspaper – Seifer slumped against Squall's shoulder. "Sorry," he mumbled, letting his eyes close as the sounds of Selphie's joyous squeals grew dim in his ears. Without meaning to, Seifer fell asleep.

Seifer woke up in the middle of the night feeling so much better. He'd missed out on the cake and had no idea what Selphie thought of the nun-chucks he'd made out of a jump rope and some wood he'd sanded and carved with Mr. Kramer's help. But he could actually breathe through his nose and he felt snug in the covers with Squall there curled up beside him.

There was a note on the pillow beside the two children and Seifer reached over for it. Opening it, he smiled at the sight of Matron's flowing script.

'I'm not mad at you, Sweetie.'

* * *

Seifer drew in a painful sounding breath – which hurt worse than it sounded – after a coughing fit that had left him feeling as though he'd hacked up his lungs. His head pounded despite the cure Squall had used to rid him of his concussion some hours earlier.

He couldn't even look at Hyperion without his stomach churning in what he hoped was disgust and not another symptom of whatever was wrong with him after nearly drowning.

There were so many dead because of him... their blood on his hands and his blade...

Just months earlier, Seifer had desperately wanted to be a SeeD. Now, he wanted as far away from being a mercenary as he could get and still at least have something akin to friendship with Squall. Because, truthfully, all he could hope for was friendship – which he didn't really deserve – even though he wanted so very much to have more than that.

All his life, Seifer had wanted to be everything to Squall. But after everything that had happened... that Squall didn't hate him was a miracle.

Now Squall had Rinoa. The way the brunet had gone after her... always rescuing her and protecting her... Seifer figured Squall had found someone who meant everything to him and it clearly wasn't Seifer.

Squall walked over and grabbed Seifer's jacket from where it had been drying by the fire. Shaking it out, Squall sat down beside the blonde and draped the jacket over his shoulders. "You're thinking too hard," he commented lightly. "I should know; I do it all the time."

A sharp bark of laughter escaped Seifer's lips. "You just made a joke."

"Fortunately the world isn't supposed to end just yet," Squall responded dryly, seating himself beside Seifer. "Garden is still a few hours away. You've already caught a cold, haven't you?"

Seifer sneezed and then coughed, after which he pouted just a little. He'd have preferred for Squall not to have noticed.

Smiling faintly, Squall leaned against Seifer's shoulder. "You're an idiot," he declared softly, slipping his hand over to lace his finger's with Seifer's. "You've always been such an idiot."

"I must be..." Seifer squeezed Squall's hand. "I don't understand..."

"Rinoa helped me figure it out," Squall told him. "She won't be happy once she realizes just what I figured out, but I do have her to thank for it."

"For what?"

"You're my world, Seifer."

Seifer felt breathless.


	8. Dance of the Freaky Circles

Disclaimer - I own nothing save for my imagination.

A/N - A bunch of random, drabbly things I wrote. It's been a long, busy year, but hopefully I'm starting to get to a point where fanfiction won't have to sit on the back-burner anymore.

_**Dance of the Freaky Circles**_

They're just running through an exercise – parry, attack, repeat – but it impresses the first year cadets who are watching. The audience is enough to deter Seifer from breaking the routine to kiss Squall; somehow, he really doubts that his new lover would appreciate introducing the female cadets to the wonders of yaoi fan-girl-ism.

Maybe after a few weeks...

* * *

Squall falls back against the pillows and sheets, gasping for breath and feeling completely debauched. The world spins around him, yet somehow Seifer, seemingly towering above him, stays perfectly still and centered in Squall's eyes. Unable to restrain himself in a moment like this, Squall smiles and practically melts at the sight of an answering smile – tender and loving – lighting up Seifer's face in return.

* * *

Squall's face appears flustered as he realizes that his shirt is too dirty to wear. It's Squall's own fault though, given that he was the one to grab the nearest discarded item to clean up with the night before. He glances over at Seifer to see if the blonde has noticed his predicament yet, chagrined but unwilling to show it at the sight of Seifer's satisfied smirk.

"You'll just have to wear one of mine, Squally."

* * *

Seifer hadn't spoken a word since he'd woken up with her gone. He wasn't free – Hyne, he'd longed for her to be gone for so long, thinking that when she died the he would too and that then he'd be free – but caged. At least this time the prison wasn't his own mind.

They'd poked and prodded him for days. The one called Dr. Odine took great delight in getting to study the only known Knight to outlive his Sorceress. Seifer didn't have the heart to tell him that he hadn't really outlived the bitch. She wasn't even alive yet. She was just... gone. Not that he could have spoken the words if he wanted to.

It was a frightening idea that his ability to speak might be gone, but only because Seifer didn't want to have to deal with yet another obstacle in getting back a semblance of a normal life. At some point during the days he'd spent in the hospital or lab or wherever he was, Dr. Odine had mentioned that Seifer's name had been cleared of wrongdoing during the war.

Seifer wondered, idly, if anyone other than the scientists even knew where he was. Surely some court official would have come to inform him otherwise. Or maybe this was his punishment for following Edea and threatening the Galbadian President, though the man was dead now anyway. Those things had happened before the war, after all, so it was conceivable that he'd still have to pay for them even though the war itself had been excused.

"Seifer?" Startled by the familiar voice, Seifer looked over to see Squall standing in the doorway. There was an unfamiliar look of shock on the brunet's face. "What are you doing here?"

It was easiest to shrug. Seifer didn't know why he was there and he didn't care enough about his own fate to leave.

Squall sat down beside Seifer as a worried expression appeared on the brunet's face. "Seifer, how long have you been here?"

He shrugged again.

"Fujin and Raijin have been looking everywhere for you."

Seifer winced and pulled his legs up, burying his face against his knees. He felt Squall awkwardly pat his shoulder.

"I've been worried. No one knew where you were." There was a long pause. "You've been here the whole time, haven't you?"

Looking up, Seifer nodded slowly.

"Come on." Squall stood up and tugged Seifer to his feet as well. Looking the blond right in the eyes, Squall told him, "it's time to go home."

"I... don't know where to go." Seifer didn't recognize his own voice, it was so hoarse from disuse. The sound of it seemed to startle Squall a little, but he just slid his hand into Seifer's.

"I know the way," Squall reassured him.

* * *

Seifer scowled at his closet as he realized his jacket had been forgotten in Squall's dorm. He perked up a few moments later as he noticed Squall's bomber jacket draped over his couch.

* * *

Squall isn't quite sure when his obsession with competing over who the best gunblade specialist turned into an obsession with Seifer. He isn't sure when he memorized things like Seifer's favorite color (storm blue) or Seifer's favorite band (AC/DC) or his favorite author (Terry Pratchett). He isn't sure when he realized that Seifer's eyes weren't completely green (there are flecks of blue and brown) or that Seifer had a birthmark (shaped a little like a question mark) on his lower back.

But he knows a lot more than that about Seifer now. Hell, he even knows what kind of underwear Seifer wears (boxer briefs). Though... it shouldn't be too surprising considering Squall stripped that item off of Seifer's body several hours earlier...

* * *

He was eight when he realized that Squall was the most important person in his life. Selphie was being adopted and, though he was sad, Seifer knew he'd get over losing her. Then he noticed a couple fawning over Squall. The idea of them taking away Squall the way Selphie had been taken away made him feel nauseous and eventually it sort of dawned on him that if Squall got adopted he'd fall to pieces.

He was twelve when he realized that his feelings for Squall went beyond just friendship. Guys his age were starting to get interested in girls, but in that 'we're not really interested 'cause girls aren't cool' manner. Seifer, however, couldn't tear his eyes away from Squall. He'd think about how graceful the younger boy was and idly wonder if Squall's skin was really as soft as it looked. It was just days before his thirteenth birthday, as he listened to Rai babble about his crush on some upperclassman, that Seifer realized what he felt was actually a crush.

He was fourteen when he realized that GFs made people forget things. He couldn't remember Matron's face. Squall couldn't remember what the Orphanage looked like. Zell couldn't remember he was an orphan at all. Quistis kept forgetting people's names. Seifer complained to Headmaster Kramer and the GF usage for cadets was limited to training missions only. When Squall began going out of his way to avoid Seifer – breaking Seifer's heart each time – the blond knew the damage had already been done.

He was seventeen when he realized that life wasn't necessarily fair. He'd been on SeeD missions as support twice already because of his gunblade skills and even had to take over one mission because a sudden flashback to some long forgotten traumatic event incapacitated the leader and the other two SeeD, newly graduated, freaked out. Yet not only was he forced to go through a tedious, useless assignment for his 'SeeD Exam', he was punished for leaving the containment area without his team. Never mind that one of them had been temporarily paralyzed and that the other had been trying to heal her or that the only way to defeat the monster they'd been sent to kill was to leave the damned containment area after it escaped... Seifer didn't make SeeD and neither did his team.

He was eighteen when he found out what Sorceresses were really like. They were people with too much power and a propensity towards god-complexes. He remembers the feeling of her claws sinking into his skull and screaming for weeks, yet never being heard. He remembers the trial, unable to speak more than a few words at a time because even though he was finally back in control of himself, he felt like controlling his own body had become as difficult as swimming through molasses. He remembers looking into Rinoa's eyes and flinching away from the golden hue he saw there.

He was nineteen when he found out what it meant to be loved. After seven years of waiting, Seifer spent a few weeks wondering when he was going to wake up before Squall finally smacked him over the head for being an idiot. Not that the smack stopped him from grinning like one.

* * *

Rinoa scowled at the blond man across the room and then shifted her stare to glare at the brunet on the opposite side of the room from the blonde. "We need to do something, Quisty," she finally said. "If those two don't get their act together and start making out madly in the middle of the training center soon, I'm going to kill them. I'll be put in an insane asylum giggling about how the little idiots can't dance around each other anymore."

Quistis patted the dark haired girl on the shoulder and rolled her eyes. "Excuse me a moment, then."

Watching in awe, Rinoa felt glued to her seat as Quistis wandered over to Seifer and sat down. They conversed for a few moments before Seifer, looking a little awkward, got up and joined Squall across the cafeteria. Quistis returned to Rinoa and said, "wait for it."

Ten minutes later, Seifer's hands were tangled in Squall's hair, Squall practically sitting in the blond's lap, as they lost themselves in one another in what had to be one of the hottest kisses ever to be witnessed by the SeeD and cadets of Garden.

Rinoa let out a little whoop and then hugged Quistis. "What did you say to Seifer?"

"Oh... I just implied that if he didn't make a move soon he'd lose his chance. Played on his ego a little, too. Being his instructor for a year gave me some pretty good insight into what buttons to push when just ordering him fails." Quistis smirked impishly.

Staring at the blonde woman for a moment, Rinoa blinked and then leaned forward to brush her lips against Quistis'. "You're amazing," Rinoa told her before pulling away completely. Giggling at the shell-shocked expression her favorite SeeD was sporting, Rinoa turned her attention back to Seifer and Squall. It seemed Squall was quite eager to have Seifer to himself, given the way he was leading his fellow gunblade specialist out of the cafeteria...

* * *

Seifer had his one perfect day with Raijin and Fujin out on the docks. They fished because Raijin loved it and Raijin got knocked off the pier because it amused Fujin (though Seifer found it pretty damn hilarious too).

The next morning, while the other two were sleeping, Seifer turned himself in to Balamb Garden SeeD. They tossed him in the detention cells after taking away Hyperion. Seifer had felt oddly relieved to hand over the gunblade. His skill was why Ultimecia chose him; he didn't want to examine his feelings regarding his once beloved possession too closely at the moment. The relief persisted, though, as he settled onto the cot in the cell and contented himself with staring at the ceiling.

He wondered what kind of execution he'd undergo. Hanging was considered barbaric, as was the electric chair, stoning, and drowning. Seifer was fairly certain it wouldn't be any of those, though given all the things he'd done... the public probably would want him to suffer.

Eventually Seifer settled on lethal injection. He'd probably get sedated to death, which would satisfy both the people who wanted him dead and the people who felt he should be sentenced humanely. It wouldn't satisfy everyone, but nothing ever did.

The sound of the cell door opening startled Seifer out of his doze and he sat up to face Squall Leonhart.

"The preliminary hearings are in two weeks. We have a lot of work to do in order to put together your defense." Squall paused and then added, "you can only have Hyperion back when we spar until this... thing," he waved his hand dismissively, "blows over."

"I helped a psycho Sorceress from the future nearly destroy all of time and space... and you call it a 'thing.'" Seifer blinked and shook his head. "I tortured you and you're preparing my defense... I didn't think Stockholm Syndrome could set in after only a day of captivity, especially since you weren't even conscious for most of it."

Squall pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes in a classic 'stupidity gives me headaches' pose. "We know the Sorceress was using you. We just don't know how much." He paused a moment and then tacked on "idiot" out of habit.

"By 'using' do you mean 'manipulating' or 'mind-raping' because I can guarantee you there is a distinct difference between the two and the amount of therapy I'll need after one or the other." Seifer gave Squall a searching look, feeling bothered by the brunet's non-reaction to his words. "Any normal person would have just killed me by now."

"Any 'normal' person," and it was clear from Squall's tone that he meant 'normal' to be a derogatory word, "would have given up on you and settled for Rinoa."

"..." Seifer leaned back against the wall. He hadn't really noticed before, but it was just him and Squall in the room. "There's something broken in me that I don't think can ever be fixed... not completely," Seifer finally responded. "I'm..." he took a deep breath before admitting, "I'm gonna have to pass on the sparring."

Squall nodded and then walked over to sit down beside him. "I can live with that... as long as you'll fight to stick around. I can't lose you again, Seifer."

Suddenly feeling exhausted, Seifer leaned his head against Squall's shoulder. "I didn't want to," he muttered, knowing Squall would understand.

"I know." Fingers stroked through Seifer's hair soothingly. "I know."


	9. Necessary

Disclaimer – Fanfiction is what happens when a person doesn't own something, but writes non-profit stories about it anyway. The fans rejoice (or trash it), copyright isn't infringed, and lawyers are unnecessary.

A/N - Here's another little something I wrote during the last year but only just got around to posting. It's been a long year... but I've graduated and gotten a job. Life is hopefully going to be calming down soon enough that I can finish up the projects I meant to be finished with months ago... like the Second Chances rewrite/edit and it's sequel.

_**Necessary  
**_

Squall was wracked by nerves three weeks before the end of term ball. It was the usual celebration for newly graduated cadets and newly appointed SeeD, but Squall was supposed to have a date this time.

He'd gotten away with going stag to the one in December, but Quistis was quite insistent that, given the number of reporters and foreign politicians who would be attending this ball, Squall needed to make an impression. An important part of that impression included having a date, mostly to show that he was capable of having a life beyond work.

If it weren't for the fact that Squall already had someone in mind as his date for the dance, he'd have likely ignored Quistis' advice completely. As long as the job got done, how was his personal life, or lack thereof, the business of anyone but himself? Still, Quistis was harping on it every time he saw her and hinting that, maybe, he should ask Rinoa.

Rinoa was sweet, but annoying. Squall couldn't imagine spending a whole ball with her. Though he'd had a brief crush on her during the Summer when everything had been made intense by the danger, but the one kiss they'd shared in the aftermath had been... disappointing. Squall had done his best to make it clear that all he was interested in was friendship, yet it seemed no one was taking him seriously on that point.

Dragging himself from his thoughts as he reached his destination, Squall raised his hand and curled it into a fist before knocking it against the door. There was no answer so, after a minute, Squall knocked again.

"Just a minute!" could be heard this time, though distinctly muffled by the door.

Relieved, Squall let his hand drop, forcing himself to relax as he waited for the door to slide open. When it did, Squall's mind blanked completely at the sight of Seifer wearing only a pair of pants and an unbuttoned shirt, his hair – a little longer than it used to be – in a disarray. It must have triggered some sort of auto-pilot in Squall's brain, though, because he could hear himself ask if he'd woken Seifer. It was about ten-thirty on a Saturday, so it was certainly possible.

"Not quite," Seifer reassured him. "It's been a long week, so I was catching up on sleep earlier... but I woke up about twenty minutes ago..." there was a pause and then Seifer stepped aside. "Would you like to come in?"

Squall managed to nod and walked inside.

The blond pulled off his shirt and slipped on a white t-shirt. "So... uh... what brings you here?" he asked, putting on the red button-up shirt again.

The red really looked good on Seifer. Shaking the thought away, Squall decided to just get to the point. "Do you have plans for the graduation ball?"

"Hiding here," Seifer responded immediately. "I had to go in December since I finally made SeeD, but I have no intention of enduring that many hours of boredom again without a really good reason."

"Ah..." Squall trailed off uncertainly.

"Some reason you want me there? Or is it that you were hoping I'd be free for a mission?"

"I was hoping you'd agree to go to the ball... as... uh..." Squall felt the words dry up in his throat. Hyne... he didn't even know if Seifer liked guys, much less him.

"As what?" Seifer reached out, placing his hand on Squall's arm. "Are you okay? You seem... off."

"I was hoping you'd agree to go as my date."

"Me?" Seifer's voice sounded incredulous. "But I thought... Rinoa always spends so much time with you..."

"Much of that time she spends laughing off my requests that she leave," Squall responded darkly.

Seifer snorted softly in amusement. "I can imagine. So... you're seriously asking me on a date?"

"Yes."

"Even though having someone who is not only a guy but is the ex-Knight of Ultimecia will probably make the reporters go nuts writing terrible things about you and Garden."

"I don't care what they write," Squall told him, used to the way Seifer would make sure people had thought things through before giving his own answer.

"Okay. I'll be your date. And... uh... there's this restaurant in town I've been meaning to try out... are you free tonight?"

"Yeah... I'm free." A small smile made it's way onto Squall's face.

* * *

Their first date went pretty well and their first kiss... was awkward. But the second kiss...

Squall couldn't quite help the smile that crept up on his face as he remembered the way Seifer tasted and the warmth of the blond's hands on his skin.

"You're in a surprisingly good mood," Quistis observed, placing a report on Squall's desk. He automatically scowled at her, annoyed with himself for not noticing her come in. "Did you ask Rinoa to the ball?"

"No." Squall gave her a blank look. "I asked someone else."

"Really?" Quistis sounded disbelieving. "Who?"

"You'll find out at the ball," Squall responded shortly, crossing his arms over his chest. Quistis nodded in resignation, dropping the subject.

* * *

"So..." Seifer grinned at Squall from where he stood in the doorway. "Ready for dinner?"

"Oh, Hyne, yes..." Squall shoved away from his desk and stood up, hurrying over to the blond. "Quistis came in this morning and assumed I'd asked Rinoa to the ball."

"Why'd she assume that?"

"I was thinking about our date the other night."

"You... were smiling, weren't you?" The blond grinned impishly.

"Yeah..." Squall smiled again, flushing slightly under Seifer's gaze. "I told her I'd asked someone else."

"Did you say who?"

Squall shook his head. "She's always been so nosy. I just... I want this to be ours for a little while before Quistis and the others decide to butt in."

"Basically, you want me all to yourself," Seifer teased.

Wrapping his arms around Seifer's shoulders, Squall pulled the taller man into a kiss. He ran his tongue along Seifer's lips, asking for entrance and groaned as he was admitted, his tongue sliding against Seifer's. Feeling slightly breathless once they broke apart, Squall nodded. "I definitely want you all to myself."

Seifer chuckled. "How about we eat in instead of out tonight?"

* * *

Sometimes... well, all the time, really, Seifer had trouble figuring out just why Squall was dating him. He'd tortured the brunet during the war, after all. There had to be lingering hangups over that, not to mention the multiple times they'd fought each other with intent to do more than just maim. Seifer really had been under the influence of Ultimecia's magic during that time, but that was an explanation and not an excuse.

Truthfully, Seifer knew that he was as much to blame for the things he'd done as Ultimecia was. But everyone, even Selphie who had the most reasons to hate him, had forgiven him. And by everyone, he meant his fellow orphans and Rinoa. There were others who'd forgiven him as well, and the full pardons he'd received from most countries in the world – he couldn't go to Trabia without risking life-imprisonment, though he could live with that. But the public at large held him accountable for his actions during the war and Seifer felt he deserved that.

Yet Squall was still dating him. Seifer wasn't about to jeopardize that, since he had such a longstanding crush on his fellow gunblade specialist, but it confused the hell out of him.

Fortunately it seemed that all the time he'd been spending with Squall that week had gone virtually unnoticed. Fortunate in that it provided him with a rather unusual bit of amusement, that is.

"Seifer, join us, man," Dincht waved over his fellow blonde. Having ditched the chocobo-tailfeather hairdo, Zell was no longer in danger of being called 'chicken-wuss' by Seifer. Somehow that led to the two of them finally learning to get along, though they were by no means friends.

Curious as to why Zell was calling him over, Seifer found himself joining Zell, Quistis, Selphie, Irvine, and Rinoa for lunch. "What's up?" he asked, plunking down his tray and taking a seat.

"We're trying to figure out the mystery of Squall's date to the Graduation Ball," Selphie chirped. "He's being all enigmatic about it and it's like waggling a carrot in front of these two," she gestured to Quistis and Rinoa. "Personally I'm looking forward to the shock and awe of finding out at the party, but I'm not against a little guessing. So we're pooling our knowledge and placing bets."

"Right..." Seifer smirked, trying not to laugh. "Somehow, Selphie, I don't think Quistis and Rinoa are the only ones who want to know beforehand."

"I'm just surprised we haven't noticed him with this chick yet," Irvine cut in before Selphie could respond. "You don't think it's his secretary, do you?" he sounded a little worried as he offered up that idea.

"Nah." Zell shook his head. "She's dating Nida. He's thinking about proposing, actually."

"Really?" Irvine winced. "Yeah... then maybe he should know that she's been floozing around the bars lately. I haven't done anything with her, but that just makes me one of few who hasn't. Hyne... I thought they'd broken up or something."

"Ah... damn, I don't wanna be the one to tell him," Zell hissed.

"Neither do I." The two teens turned to Seifer.

"I've barely said more than 'hi' to the guy since coming back," Seifer told them. "If he's your friend, then suck it up and tell him yourselves."

"Yeah, besides," Rinoa chirped, "we're here to discuss Squall. I don't think he has a date. I think he thinks I have a date and is trying to make me jealous. That's why I'm going to go ask him to the ball after lunch is over."

"I don't know..." Quistis frowned. "He looked... really happy before I started asking him questions. Like he was thinking of someone..."

"Like me," Rinoa insisted. "We'd have noticed if he was attracted to some other girl, Quistis. The only other person he spends any real time with lately is Seifer."

"Which, I assume, is why I'm sitting here?" Seifer asked exasperatedly.

"Well..." Quistis hedged.

"Of course," Rinoa agreed. "You're always sparring with him," she wrinkled her nose and Seifer couldn't help but think that she was such a hypocrite. She acted like she disdained violence, but she lived at Garden because of the protection it afforded her and she'd once been quite the little 'activist,' going around raiding trains while trying to take the Galbadian President hostage. Seifer honestly didn't see why Squall considered her a friend, but since Seifer had dated her – admittedly, discovering that he was gay in the process – he figured he didn't have much room to speak on the subject. "Anyway, if we'd managed to miss out on him having a secret crush, you'd have noticed... right?"

_Huh... was that what I was? His secret crush? Until he asked me out, that is..._ Seifer shrugged. "What makes you so certain that his date's a girl anyway?"

There was silence. Zell tried to laugh after a moment but the sound choked off. Irvine looked speculative, as did Selphie.

Quistis shook her head. "Squall isn't gay."

"I never said he was," Seifer told her. "But there's always the possibility that he is, or that he's bi."

"That's... that's about as ridiculous as you being gay," Rinoa finally declared.

"Rinoa... we spent that one summer dating and I never even once tried to convince you to have sex with me," Seifer told her. "For a seventeen-year-old guy, given how you look, I'd have to be either asexual or completely gay to be _that_ uninterested."

"You're... gay?" Rinoa shook her head and smiled, giggling. "You're really funny, Seifer. Just be careful who you tell that kind of joke to. Someone else might believe you."

"Dense doesn't even begin to explain what's wrong with you," Seifer muttered, rolling his eyes.

"Dude... are you really gay?" Zell asked. Rinoa snickered.

"Yes. I am. I have a boyfriend who'd attest to it."

Rinoa stopped laughing.

"Who is he?" Selphie asked, leaning in curiously. "Do we know him? Is he hot? Wait, stupid question. Of course he's hot. Is the sex good? Can I watch you make out with him? Or more than make out with him?"

"How did you say all that without taking a breath?" Seifer responded in awe.

"Talent."

"Hmmm..." Seifer gave the copper-haired girl a calculating look. "The best description for him would be sexy, not merely hot."

"Ooooh," Selphie giggled. "Do we know him?" she repeated.

"Since it clearly bothers you not to know," Seifer paused for a moment, "I'm not going to tell you. He's my date to the graduation ball, so you'll see for yourself who he is in two weeks. And Selphie..." he smirked at her, "if you stalk me to find out who my boyfriend is, I'll never help you set up another festival ever again."

Selphie's eyes widened. Seifer had set up the fireworks display for her during the Winter Festival and she'd declared afterwards that he'd done the best job she'd ever seen. "B-but..." she sniffled.

"You can ask around and guess all you want, but no stalking me." Seifer paused and added more seriously, "it's really new, okay? I just... don't want him getting scared off or something."

"Oh... okay." Selphie nodded. "I'll leave off the interrogation until after the ball."

"Interrogation?" Quistis echoed.

Nodding sharply, the waif-like girl told them, "I have to make sure this guy is good enough for you, Seifer. He's gotta be someone who'll make you happy and make you finally realize you don't have to keep punishing yourself for what happened last year. Everyone tells me you have this great smile, but the closest I've seen you come to it since everything went to hell last summer is that smirk of yours."

"So... what happens if you decide he isn't good enough for me?" Seifer asked out of morbid curiosity.

"I'll call Fujin, tell her what's going on, and we'll hunt the little bastard with shovels."

"That's... oddly sweet, Selphie. Really." Seifer smiled at her and she bounced happily.

"Awww, that's almost the smile I'm looking for."

"We've gotten off topic," Rinoa sulked.

"You mean the topic of Squall's date to the ball and how he has decided not to share this information with you... possibly because you're clingy and possessive despite the fact that he's made it glaringly obvious you're only his friend." Giving Rinoa a searching look, Seifer added. "If you keep pushing where you aren't wanted, you'll lose what you have with him Rinoa."

"You've got it wrong, Seifer. You clearly don't know anything about straight guys..." huffing, Rinoa stood up and stalked off.

"Squall is going to be so pissed off by the time she's finished," Irvine predicted with a laugh.

Seifer nodded and grinned, rather looking forward to calming the brunet down later... in a manner of speaking.

* * *

"So, did you have an interesting visit from Rinoa today?" Seifer asked, settling down beside Squall on the bench outside the training center. They'd been training separately in the center, but Seifer had noticed the brunet leaving and decided to follow him out.

"Interesting," Squall echoed darkly. "That's a good word for it. Hellish would be more accurate."

Seifer snickered. "Is she still convinced you're only pretending to have a date to make her jealous?"

"More now than ever. Also, apparently you're pretending to be gay in hopes of making her jealous and winning her back."

"Because the world revolves around her and no man that has ever met her could possibly be gay or feel anything but undying love for her," Seifer drawled mockingly.

Squall snickered, his dark look softening somewhat. "So... is Selphie going to be stalking us now?"

"I don't think so. I told her that our relationship was new and I didn't want her scaring my boyfriend off. She's agreed to wait until the dance to see who I'm dating. I bet if you talk to her, she'll make the same deal with you concerning your... 'girlfriend.'" Seifer smirked and did finger quotes.

"Does that make you the girl in this relationship?" Squall asked, mock innocently.

"Would you like me to prove just how very much I'm not a girl?" Seifer responded, leaning over to kiss Squall's neck and licking the sweaty skin he found there.

A shudder ran through the brunet's body. "I certainly wouldn't mind," Squall said huskily. "Think one of the private showers is free?"

"There'd better be," Seifer growled, nipping Squall's neck lightly before standing up.

* * *

There was a languid sort of boneless feeling that had settled over Squall. He rolled to the side, contentedly letting his head rest on Seifer's chest. He smiled at the feeling of Seifer's arms wrapping loosely around him.

"We've only got a week left until the ball," Seifer murmured sleepily, idly tracing designs on Squall's back with his fingers.

"Selphie is going to be unbearable," Squall responded, gratified by the evidence that his lover was equally lethargic.

"Mmhmm... Rinoa might think we're trying to make it so that she can have both of us at once instead of having to choose," Seifer observed.

"If she tries anything," Squall growled, letting the threat trail off. Rinoa was a sweet girl – he had to keep reminding himself of this – but she wouldn't grow up. 'Sweet girl' was starting to translate into 'bitchy adult.' "She can't have you," Squall finally declared. "You're mine."

"Hyne..." Seifer hissed softly before rolling himself atop Squall, pinning the younger man to the bed. "You have no idea," he nipped at Squall's neck, "how much it turns me on," he sucked on Squall's earlobe, "to hear you sound so possessive," he kissed along Squall's jawline, "about me." Seifer drew Squall into a searing kiss.

Moaning under Seifer's renewed ministrations, Squall managed to say, "I think I have some idea."

* * *

Seifer tugged uncomfortably at the short jacket of his dress uniform. The collar was stiff and he felt like he looked ridiculous. Other people could pull off the SeeD uniform and look completely professional, but Seifer tended to feel like he was dressing up in someone else's clothes.

"Seifer?"

Turning to face Squall, Seifer swallowed dryly at the reminder that Squall was one of those people who could wear the uniform and look like sex on legs. (Okay, so Squall looked like sex on legs in his usual outfit, but this took it up to eleven.) Squall, however, had this look on his face as he looked Seifer over that made the blond wonder if maybe the brunet saw him the same way. The idea that Squall thought he looked sexy made him feel a lot less ridiculous in the uniform.

Crossing the room in a few steps, Squall drew Seifer into a kiss. "Too bad we can't just skip the ball," Squall murmured when he drew back.

"Quistis would kill you and Selphie would brutalize me with a shovel," Seifer agreed in amusement, pressing another kiss against Squall's lips.

"She is awfully fond of that shovel threat..." Squall trailed off as he felt Seifer start nibbling at his ear. "W-we're going to be late if you keep that up," he breathed out, eyes flickering shut.

"Right..." Seifer pulled back, drinking in the sight of Squall's flushed cheeks and kiss reddened lips. "Let's go, then."

* * *

"What?"

"Seifer is my date," Squall repeated, rolling his eyes while Seifer snickered. Quistis looked utterly shell-shocked, but Squall pressed on. "I asked him weeks ago."

"B-but... do you know what this will do to Garden's image?" Quistis squeaked.

"My personal life has nothing to do with Garden's image," Squall insisted and then added, "our clients aren't going to care if Garden's Commander has a boyfriend so long as our work continues to be above reproach."

Seifer grinned a little more brightly at the word 'boyfriend.'

"That's not what I'm getting at," Quistis hissed. "It's... Seifer was Ultimecia's Knight. We know that wasn't your choice," she directed to Seifer, "but the rest of the world hasn't been so forgiving."

Squall could feel Seifer stiffen at his side. Reaching out, he slipped his hand into Seifer's and squeezed tightly. "Quistis... you're going to want to stay away from us for the rest of the evening."

Scowling darkly as Quistis hastily retreated, Squall leaned against Seifer's shoulder. He felt so comfortable with Seifer – like he'd finally found his home after searching for so long, only to realize he could have had it years earlier if he'd been brave enough to reach out to the one constant in his life. Seifer's touch was like fire and passion, yet there was a gentleness as well; Squall had fallen in love with all the facets of Seifer, even the ones that drove him crazy. There was no way he was about to let anyone tell him that he should go back to being alone.

He couldn't lose Seifer. He wouldn't.

"Awww... I guess I don't need to interrogate your boyfriend after all," Selphie teased, bouncing up with Irvine in tow. The cowboy looked amused as he observed the way the two gunblade specialists stood together, hands entwined. Selphie, however, looked like a cat stalking a canary. Her smirk was positively devious. "I need a tape of the two of you having sex."

Squall snorted and rolled his eyes. "No."

"B-but... I can't live without it," Selphie pouted.

"We'll say something really nice at your funereal," Seifer promised.

"What, like 'we're really sorry we withheld sex tapes from the pretty redhead'?"

"More like, 'at least now we know she won't be standing outside our bedroom window with a video camera,'" Seifer shot back.

"The window's too high," Irvine disagreed. "Both your dorms are on the second floor. No... she'd need a complicated pulley system and a motion detector... and something to open the blinds while the two of you are too occupied to notice."

A faint blush painted itself on Squall's cheeks as he glanced at Seifer. Mostly because he really did lose track of the world when Seifer got him in bed. "Stop giving her ideas," Squall grumbled, crossing his arms. He smiled, however, at the sound of Seifer's laughter.

* * *

Seifer enjoyed the first fifteen minutes of the ball despite their very short-lived argument with Quistis. She was right about Squall's decision to have Seifer as his date making a very big statement. They had no idea how the reporters would wind up spinning things and things could wind up looking very bad for Garden.

Squall knew this. Seifer wasn't entirely convinced Squall understood all the ramifications – he didn't give a damn about other people's personal lives unless they were his friends, so he didn't understand why someone might consider the personal life of a stranger theirs to critique – but Squall had made his choice the morning he'd asked Seifer out to the dance. So Seifer had this rather irrational belief that things would wind up turning out okay in the end.

Then Rinoa walked up and everything went to hell.

She demanded a dance from Squall. When he declined in favor of dancing with Seifer, she told Seifer to buzz off and dance with his own boyfriend. She'd thrown in words like 'assuming you weren't lying about that' and 'Squall doesn't need to feel obligated to the guy who tortured him in D-District'. That was about when Seifer started feeling queasy.

Not one to take insults lying down, Squall gave Rinoa the polite version of 'leave my boyfriend alone, bitch' and blew off D-District as something that ought to be lain at the feet of Ultimecia and not Seifer, something that the brunet pointed out Rinoa had agreed with when it suited her. When she attempted to accuse him of leading her on, Squall told her that she was making a scene and if she didn't stop then security would probably kick her out.

Suffice it to say, Rinoa froze the punch bowl and was escorted out. Her father apologized for her behavior to both Squall and Seifer – the blond had been a little too dazed by the inclusion to do anything other than accept – and then followed the raven haired girl out, presumably to ream her out for being an idiot and embarrassing him on their first social outing as a family in years.

The journalists, of course, had flocked to the spectacle, which only made Seifer feel worse. Trabia hated him, after all. This would make relations between Garden and Trabia more difficult and probably cause all sorts of trouble for the effort to rebuild Trabia Garden. Then, of course, there were the people who still believed that being homosexual was a sin against Hyne and that the increasing acceptance of it across the globe was a sign of the end of days. There were also Sorceress Worshipers who'd likely condemn Squall for not immediately capitulating to everything their 'goddess' demanded of him.

The sudden panic running through Seifer had been obvious to Squall. He pulled Seifer out to one of the balconies a few minutes later and dragged the taller man into a kiss.

"Are you okay?" Squall asked, running his fingers lightly through Seifer's hair.

"Better now, at least," Seifer muttered. "That was... intense."

"The kiss or Rinoa's temper tantrum?" Squall teased.

"Both." Seifer sat down on a bench and gazed out into the dark for a moment. "Quistis has a point about our relationship causing problems for Garden, you know."

"I know," Squall sighed and sat down next to Seifer. "I'm more worried about causing problems for you, though."

Seifer blinked and then laughed quietly. "I'm the one that's the problem, Squall."

"I'd rather resign from Garden than lose you," Squall muttered, looking down as picking at the hem of his jacket as his cheeks flushed.

Blankly, Seifer asked, "what?"

"If my relationship with you causes too many problems for Garden, then I'd rather resign and keep being with you than keep my job and lose you." Squall paused and added, "I worked hard to become SeeD, but not because it was something I wanted. It was just... what was expected of me. Becoming Commander wasn't something I wanted either. It was just dropped on me. Sometimes it feels like my whole life has been directed by other people's image of who I ought to be, which is probably all kinds of ironic. Being with you is my choice, Seifer. I love you. I want to be with you. I don't care if that disappoints other people; my life is not theirs to control. The only person who can stop me from being with you is... well... you."

Unable to think up an adequate response, Seifer leaned in and kissed Squall, trying desperately to convey just how deeply the other man's words affected him. When they pulled away, Seifer brushed some of Squall's hair out of his face and then asked, "dance with me?"

A/N - I tried having it continue on, but it wouldn't cooperate. What's there was cute enough, though, that I figured it would be fine as is. :)


End file.
